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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • Singapore

    • Join Date: Jul 2012
    • Posts: 3
    #1

    How do I make these sentences more impressive?

    Hi, can anyone please suggest how can I make these sentences sound more impressive?

    Solid understanding of the financial markets: I have completed both the CFA and FRM program. In additional, I am currently pursuing a part time Master of Science in Applied Finance in Singapore Management University and the CAIA program.
    Strong analytical skills: A GMAT score of 750 (98th percentile) has demonstrated my ability to think critically.
    Excellent communications and interpersonal skills: I am able to better relate to people as I am trained to teach and manage more than 200 students.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • Singapore

    • Join Date: Jul 2012
    • Posts: 3
    #2

    Re: How do I make these sentences more impressive?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillnetter View Post
    Here are some suggested changes. In the US, the common form is to not use "I' in this type of writing ("I have...I am...). This is not a matter of being correct or incorrect, it is merely the form that is being used - brief and to the point.
    Thank Gillnetter. That is great help.

    Would you mind helping me vet through the whole cover letter? I would appreciate that deeply.


    The advertisement read that you need a top performing financial analyst, and I believe that I match this requirement. Currently a teacher, it is my goal to leverage my analytical and communication skills to transition from the education industry to the financial sector.

    As indicated in my resume, I have many skills that could contribute to your organization. The following offers a few highlights of my qualifications:


    Solid understanding of the financial markets: I have completed both the CFA and FRM program. With my superior financial knowledge, I can step into the position and be immediately productive.
    Strong analytical skills: Scoring top 2% in GMAT demonstrates my ability to think critically. My analytical skills will be a great asset when writing research reports.
    Excellent communications and interpersonal skills: My teaching experience has sharpened my ability to present in front of audience and build relationships with people.

    I will contact you in the next two weeks to discuss my application, and look forward to a speaking engagement with you at that time. If you wish to contact me before that time, you may reach me at ***, or by email at ***. Thank you for your time and consideration.

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