Can someone help me correct my college essay question?

[Mlana]

I am applying to a somewhat prestigious school and I really want to sound intelligent, and like a student they'd actually want. Can you check over my answer and tell me what to change/correct. Don't be afraid to be really critical! Thanks!

Question: What influenced you to apply to St. Norbert College?

I've been a part of the pre-college program Upward Bound (TRIO) at UWSP for four years. Every year the program takes us on college tours to numerous campuses, and one year Saint Norbert was one of those colleges. I was familiar with the existence of this college from my History teacher, and because one of the staff members at Upward Bound had attended SNC. Their talk of the beauty and academic excellence of the campus paired with my insights after touring the campus, drove me to apply as soon as possible.

P.S. Is this too short? I know that most question styles are suppose to be like 200-300 words. But this wasn't really on the essay question section, it was on the "Name and Other Items" section.

 

[billmcd]

I am applying to a somewhat prestigious school and I really want to sound intelligent, and like a student they'd actually want. Can you check over my answer and tell me what to change/correct. Don't be afraid to be really critical! Thanks!

Question: What influenced you to apply to St. Norbert College?

I've been a part of the pre-college program Upward Bound (TRIO) at UWSP for four years. Every year the program takes us on college tours to numerous campuses, [STRIKE]and one year [/STRIKE] Saint Norbert was one of those colleges. I [STRIKE]was [/STRIKE] became familiar with [STRIKE]the existence of [/STRIKE] this college and its programs in discussions with [STRIKE]from [/STRIKE] my History teacher, and because one of the staff members at Upward Bound had attended SNC. Their [STRIKE]talk of [/STRIKE] statements about the beauty of the campus and academic excellence of the [STRIKE]campus[/STRIKE] school paired with my[STRIKE] insights [/STRIKE] objectives after touring the campus and learning about the programs, drove me to apply as soon as possible.

P.S. Is this too short? For responses to questions such as these, I think the shorter the better. I know that most question styles are suppose to be like 200-300 words. But this wasn't really on the essay question section, it was on the "Name and Other Items" section.

Nice brief, thoughtful response. Good luck. :up: