My Husband

I met Allen in a chat room on-line. I didn't know if this online dating was going to work. He was a real smooth talker but always made me wonder, if he talked like this to other girls. He kept bugging me over and over to meet so I finally gave in and met with him. We met outside of my cousins apartment building, which is 5 minutes away from my house and right next door to my dads favorite store. He was doing it again smooth talking me about how much he wanted to get with me. We talked for a little while but I had to go it was getting late and my cousins were waiting for me. I told him I had to go and to call me when he got home. So he walked me to the stairs leading to my cousins apartment and kissed me. I started blushing, we just met and already we're kissing. We said our goodbyes and left. He called me 30 minutes later to talk story but he had to get off the phone because he worked early the next morning. The next day he didn't call all day so I thought maybe he didn't like me. He was on my mind the whole day, why wasn't he calling or paging? I was getting worried, maybe he didn't like after all. I ended up paging him that I missed him and I wanted to be with him. He called back and we ended up together.

The next night at his Uncle's Office he called and told me to hold on, I hear him dial another phone and a girl picks up the phone. He spoke to her and out of nowhere he said "I'm in love" she sounded happy for a minute, because she thought it was her. Then he finished his sentences "I'm in love with Joann" She asked who was Joann and he continued on saying how pretty, nice and that he loved me. He also told her, he was talking to me and I could hear everything. She got mad and told him "Whatever" and hung up. I was shocked that someone would do that, and right in front of me, I was happy because someone actually loved me, picked me over someone else, but at the same time mad because I didn't want to hear that, I've been in her place I don't want to see that. I didn't even know he was going out with someone else until that very minute, if I knew I wouldn't have gone with him.

He also told me that he cheated on his ex girlfriends in high school and I don't have to worry because he would never do that to me. I was always on alert because I was cheated on with my boyfriend previously and I didn't like it, and I was not about to get hurt again. So the next 2 years he was faithful and nice. Little things would start to happen, I notice he talks on the phone more, and he's always calling his job. He was a security guard so he would have to call often to see if he works, so I didn't think anything of it. One night his best friend Arnel came over and were drinking outside in his truck. Arnel decides to call his friend that happens to be a girl but she didn't pick up. Next thing I hear Allen calling someone so I'm just listening. He's calling his job, okay that's a little strange but I just brushed it off. The dispatcher answers the phone it's Jan. He asked her what time she was getting off work? Um that's kind of weird why are you asking some one what time they get off work? Next question... "Who is going to pick you up?" Why do you need to know these things? Are you her boyfriend? I don't think so. I was so furious I wanted to punch the wall or him. I confronted him and asked him who he was talking to, he told me it was Arnel's friend. I said no I heard Freeman Guards(which was his work at the time) and I heard everything, Allen and Arnel still stuck to the story it was his friend, I didn't want to look stupid so I just let it go. So I thought about it the whole night even convincing myself maybe I was wrong. The very next day I checked our phone records and sure enough he called his job at the very day, that very time. I asked him and he still insisted it was Arnel's friend. I didn't have anymore evidence to put on him so I had to let it go.

So from then on I was always on high alert for anything out of the ordinary. The next 5 years, he was faithful, with 2 kids and we had our own place. I was finally happy and let my guard down and it happens again. Someone texted our phone saying "I wanted to talk to you, I miss your voice" That number didn't look familiar, so it's either a wrong number or it was meant for Allen. I texted the same number back and asked "when was the last time we talked?" She texted back saying they had talked two days ago. My heart was racing, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if I wanted to punch the wall, his face, but I know I wanted to confront him but I knew I didn't have enough evidence, so I kept digging. I texted her again this time asking what they talked about last time. She knew something was up so I had to make it sound like it was him texting, I wrote "I wanted to see if you remembered what we talked about the last time." The phone rang and it was another text message from her saying "We talked about meeting each other and how much you miss my voice" I was more furious but still didn't think I had enough evidence. I ended up calling the number and telling her I was his best friend and I wanted to know how they met and if they met in person. She said they didn't meet but he sent her a picture on the phone, and I asked which picture and if she could text me the picture, she said she couldn't because her phone can't text pictures, there went my evidence. She started getting suspicious of me. I couldn't do it anymore, I asked her if she knew what his name and where he worked. She replied saying "His name is Allen, he works as a security guard, and he lives in Waipahu." I couldn't last I told her the truth. That Allen was my husband, we live in Waipahu, and we have 2 kids together and I wanted to know what was going on. She told me, she felt bad if she knew he was married she wouldn't have talked to him. I told her to call back in 5 minutes, I wanted to talk to him and see what he would say. I took the phone and left it by him, the phone rang and I told him to answer but he didn't want to. I told him it was a girl calling him to talk to him because she misses him, she called back and I answered and gave it to Allen, he grabbed the phone and hung up. I asked him why he didn't talk to her, he said he didn't know anyone maybe she was just playing around, but why wouldn't he answer the phone, which made him look really guilty. She never called back so I couldn't get anything else out of her.

There's still little things that he does that makes me wonder. I even catch him signed in to dating sites on-line and I confronted him, he tells me it was his co-workers. Why would his co-worker use his password? He starts giving me all these excuses but I know there all lies. I tell myself if I catch him cheating it's over, but I guess the day I catch him red-handed is when it's all over. I will always be on high alert. I guess I'm scared that I'm going to be heartbroken or alone for the rest of my life. He thinks I cheat on him all the time, how am I suppose to cheat? I'm at home all day taking care of my kids, the dogs, and chores. I have no time for friends or guys. But I'm not getting mad like he does when I confront him. I guess we need to remind each other that we love each other and won't do anything to hurt one another. I try so hard to trust him but every time I start to trust him there's always something fishy going on. I don't know if I'll ever trust him but I hope I will because I can't live like this anymore.