[General] Need suggestion or advise to improve english usage.

[Jeff Wei Liang]

A very good day to every member at UsingEnglish forum. I'm a newly join member seeking for advise to enhance my English.

Here's my problem, I'm currently assign a project by my manager and because this project will be presented to others department manager and senior executive, I don't want my bad English bring any disgrace to my Manager. Below is few sentence that i wrote for presentation.

What does others luxury brand offer for personalization?

How others luxury brand present personalization service?

What does xxxxx company offer for personalization?

How xxxxx company present personalization service?

Any advise and comment is much appreciated as I can learn from my mistake and write a better English in near future.

Regards,
Jeff

 

[Tdol]

What does others luxury brand offer for personalization?

What do other luxury brands offer for personalization?

How others luxury brand present personalization service?

How do other luxury brands offer a personalization service?

What does xxxxx company offer for personalization?

OK

How xxxxx company present personalization service?

How does xxxx present its personalization service?

 

[Tdol]

PS using so many separate quotes makes replying difficult- a list would be easier. I just had to view the code to sort the presentation out. ;-)

 

[Jeff Wei Liang]

Dear Tdol,

thanks for the answers, now i now where's my mistake... i put wrong "s" in wrong word... and noted on quotes problem. Sorry i still new in this forum.

I come up with this content for one of my slide.

When a customer walk into showroom, sales person will went through greetings, give and get info. After they targeted the customer budget and choices of item they want, they can share xxxxx company Personalization service.

Tips To Share With Customer:
You can add your own messages, poems even your company logo.
Various kind of fonts to choose.
Chinese character also available.
Staining services available as well to enhance the engraving message.
Engraving charges in xxxxx company is the cheapest among other luxury brands personalization service in the market.
Completion take a few days only compare to others luxury brand.

At last but not least, this service will make your gifts unique and leaving your recipient a lasting memory from you.

Is there any grammar error? I tried quite hard to write this content nicely, I'm sorry if I got it in bad grammar, as English is not my native language and I'm trying my best to learn so that i can excel in my company.

 

[Chicken Sandwich]

Is there any grammar error? I tried quite hard to write this content nicely, I'm sorry if I got it in bad grammar, as English is not my native language and I'm trying my best to learn so that i can excel in my company.

But your profile says that American English is your native language. If it isn't, please change it.

 

[Jeff Wei Liang]

My sincere apologize on that, I've changed my profile to the correct native language.

 

[charliedeut]

When a customer walks into a showroom, the sales person will [STRIKE]went through greetings[/STRIKE] greet them and both give and get information from the customer [STRIKE]give and get info[/STRIKE]. After they have targeted the customer's budget and choices of the items they want, they can [STRIKE]share xxxxx company [/STRIKE] talk about the personalization service.

Tips To Share With the Customer:
You can add your own messages, poems, or even your company logo
There are various kind of fonts to choose from
Chinese characters are also available
Staining services are available as well to enhance the [STRIKE]engraving[/STRIKE] engraved message
Engraving charges [STRIKE]in xxxxx company is [/STRIKE] are the[STRIKE] cheapest [/STRIKE] most inexpensive among the other luxury brands personalization services in the market
Completion takes only a few days [STRIKE]only [/STRIKE]compared to[STRIKE] others [/STRIKE] other luxury brands

[STRIKE]At [/STRIKE] Last but not least, this service will make your gifts unique and [STRIKE]leaving [/STRIKE] leave your recipient with a lasting memory from you.

Here are some suggested changes. What does this company do?

I added two small corrections to your edition. Hope you don't mind :up:

charliedeut

 

[Jeff Wei Liang]

Oh my god! I got a lot of mistakes here. I need to learn more English basic to polish my skills.

Thanks to Gillnetter and charliedeut for correcting my poor usage of English.

Here are some suggested changes. What does this company do?

I work in a pewter company, my boss assigned a project to standardize all stores personalization service.

May i know what is my mistake in my content? Grammar? Tense or Vocabulary?
I would like to narrow down my mistake so I can purchase some books to read and improve.

Regards,
Jeff

 

[Tdol]

Mostly grammar, but that doesn't mean that vocab doesn't need any work. ;-)