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    #1

    Desert's conditions

    Please, check if the following passage is grammatically correct. Thanks!

    **This is a translated passage. It is neither intended to express a political opinion nor start a political discussion. I'm just interested in the language. **

    X = a name of a person
    Y = a name of a state

    Desert's conditions and X's dictatorship have caused the vast majority of the Y population to struggle constantly against the forces of the nature and the cruelty of mankind. That, in turn, has consolidated tribal frames and turned them into fearless and ruthless fighting militias. Difficulty creates toughness; struggle justifies violence and problems increase solidarity. That explains why X had to be so cruel in order to impose his control over the population. Violent measures which a ruler has to use in order to subordinate his subjects for a long period must be proportional to the level of violence in effect in a society. There is a rumour in Y that the number of Kalashnikovs in the hands of the population is as twice as much as the number of the inhabitants. Even if this rumour is exaggerated, it is not far from the violent and harsh reality in Y. People in this state are quick to open fire whenever a dispute brakes out between them. In a society in which a vendetta is rooted, it is very difficult to put an end to bloody conflicts which last long time and cost the lives of many.

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    #2

    Re: Desert's conditions

    Delete 'as' before 'twice'.

    Change 'brakes' to 'breaks'.

    Insert 'a' before 'long time'.

    Rover

    • Member Info
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    #3

    Re: Desert's conditions

    Thank you!

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
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    #4

    Re: Desert's conditions

    I translated "tribal frames" literally from Hebrew. Perhaps, "tribal units" or "tribal groups" sounds better in English.

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