Could you check this review, please!

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leszkoss

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The editor of your college/workplace newsletter sent you this note:

Hello
Would you like to do a review for the magazine of a couple of DVDs that you've seen recently? Take two of the same genre (e.g. comedy, thriller, documentary). Say what the films are about, and why you liked them and would recommend them. Also say what makes them different.

Let me know what you think!

Thanks,
Alan

Write your review of the DVDs you have chosen in 220-260 words.


The films I have seen recently, ‘Fish Tank’ and ‘Shame’, can be classified as psychological dramas. First one is of British and the latter of American production. They both star actor Michael Fassbender.
‘Shame’, in which Michael Fassbender plays the main role, is a captivating yet painful picture of a New Yorker leading a double life of a sex addict. The film has a compelling atmosphere throughout and a nice soundtrack. Very good was also the role of the main character’s sister. Their relationship was very disturbing and the scene of a face-to-face argument they had on the couch was thrilling.
‘Fish Tank’ takes us to quite a different place. The action of the film unfolds in contemporary Britain. It tells a story of a neglected teenage girl brought up in broken, low-class family. The main character was brilliantly portrayed by a young actress Katie Jarvis.
Both of these films have a lot in common. There is something very poignant and disturbing about them. They have scenes that are really graphic and can be a real shock to some viewers. They tell about loneliness, exploitation, lack of purpose and values and spiritual confusion of a contemporary man. They convey a message that lack of love and virtues leads a man astray and brings about bad things. They both have something mesmerizing that makes
 

emsr2d2

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The editor of your college/workplace newsletter sent you this note:

Hello
Would you like to do a review for the magazine of a couple of DVDs that you've seen recently? Take two of the same genre (e.g. comedy, thriller, documentary). Say what the films are about, and why you liked them and would recommend them. Also say what makes them different.

Let me know what you think!

Thanks,
Alan

Write your review of the DVDs you have chosen in 220-260 words.


[STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] Two films I have seen recently - ‘Fish Tank’ and ‘Shame’ - can be classified as psychological dramas. [STRIKE]First one is of British and the latter of American production. [/STRIKE] The former is British, the latter American, but they both star [STRIKE]actor[/STRIKE] Michael Fassbender.
‘Shame’, in which Michael Fassbender plays the main role, is a captivating yet painful picture of a New Yorker leading a double life of a sex addict (and of what other type of person?). The film has a compelling atmosphere throughout and a nice (weak word) soundtrack. [STRIKE]Very good was also[/STRIKE] The role of the main character’s sister was also very well played. Their relationship was very disturbing and the scene [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] with [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] their face-to-face argument [STRIKE]they had[/STRIKE] on the couch was thrilling.
‘Fish Tank’ takes us to quite a different place. The [STRIKE]action of the film[/STRIKE] story unfolds in contemporary Britain. It tells [STRIKE]a [/STRIKE] the story of a neglected teenage girl brought up in broken (do you mean a "broken home"?), low-class family. The main character was brilliantly portrayed by [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] young actress Katie Jarvis.
[STRIKE]Both of[/STRIKE] These films have a lot in common. There is something very poignant and disturbing about them. They have scenes that are really graphic and can be a real shock to some viewers. They tell [STRIKE]about[/STRIKE] of the loneliness, exploitation, lack of purpose and values, and spiritual confusion of [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] contemporary men/women. They convey a message that a lack of love and virtue[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] leads a man astray and brings about bad things. They both have something mesmerizing that makes (unfinished sentence)

See above for my suggestions. I don't know what the magazine is looking for but you may wish to give specific examples of things like how the main character's sister was well played, what is poignant and disturbing about the films, a little more of the plot of Fish Tank than just a girl being brought up in a low-class family.

You don't need to say that something stars actor Michael Fassbender. Usually, the star of a film is an actor. I would only specify if they were something else ie "The film stars pop singer Madonna".

Try to avoid weak words like "nice" in pieces like this. What exactly is a "nice soundtrack"? It doesn't tell the reader anything at all. Was it music that particularly fitted each scene? Was it beautifully crafted? Did it use unusual instruments? Was it the kind of soundtrack that you would buy and listen to separately, when not watching the film?
 
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