Please check me an essay.

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Getbetteratenglish

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Most everyone has a role model in our life. They could be a parent, a friend, a teacher, or a sports hero but for me, she is a singer who inspired me to write this essay because she pursues her dream and reach the goal not waste her time as other teenager. Her name is Kim Tae-Yeon, She is a Korean singer, radio DJ, dancer, actress and promotional model. She pursues a career in music. She is a cute girl, generous, fun, a good disposition who has gifted in music and she is doing anything as a duck takes to water such as perform an extraordinary feat.

Taeyeon was born in Jeonju, South Korea on March 9, 1989. She graduate of Jeonju Art High School. She signed to SM Entertainment and got sing and dance practice. She is the leader and main vocalist of the South Korean Girls' Generation girl group.

Kim Tae-Yeon has pursued a career in music at the age of fourteen. Former time, she learned to sing and dance. When she was fifteen, she had winning 1st Place Award in the contest that I admired her vocal quality and amazing musical talent why I learned to play guitar and practice singing sometimes because someday I hope have my own band. Then, she performed as the main female role in “Midnight Sun", which is based on the Japanese novel as well. At present, she became a DJ on MBC Radio. Her success motivated me to decide to aim the gun at the target and reach it.
I often think about how lucky people are have someone like her to inform me how to pay attention for training. From Kim Taeyeon’s story, I learned intentional training makes me success and love is what is needed for life. I should be responsible for myself, If I could be more like this I have a good job and be successful in life.


i'm not good as english.I'm really need help,thx ka:).
 

billmcd

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Questions: (1) Is this the result of a homework assignment?
(2) Did you run this through a translator?
 

Getbetteratenglish

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yes,it is my homework but i did't run through a translator.:oops:
 
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