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    #1

    ABC Ambassador

    How can I present the below idea in a better (formal) style?

    It is intended to be the reply slip in an invitation email.

    "I agree to be the ABC Ambassador and I understand that some of my personal information, my picture(s) and my writing - where OIA holds the right to edit, will be displayed on the OIA website."


    ABC = School's name
    OIA = Office's name

    Thank you!

  1. charliedeut's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: ABC Ambassador

    Quote Originally Posted by jasveron View Post
    How can I present the below idea in a better (formal) style?

    It is intended to be the reply slip in an invitation email.

    "I agree am honored to be appointed as the ABC Ambassador; and I understand that some of my personal information, my picture(s) and my writing - where OIA holds the right to edit, will be displayed on the OIA website."


    ABC = School's name
    OIA = Office's name

    Thank you!
    That's one part. maybe a native speaker will guide us through the rest of it.

    charliedeut
    Please be aware that I'm neither a native English speaker nor a teacher.

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    #3

    Re: ABC Ambassador

    Thank you!

    Since it is intended to be included in the invitation email (which I will send out) as a convenient reply for the students, I think I should exactly avoid words like "honoured"/"appointed"?

    The students will just need to copy the "reply slip" I write, and reply to me, to make them an ambassador. It is more like I am asking them to help thus I am not sure if adding "honoured" would be appropriate.

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    #4

    Re: ABC Ambassador

    How many ambassadors will there be?

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    #5

    Re: ABC Ambassador

    There will be many. My re-written version:

    "I agree to be an ABC Ambassador; I understand that some of my personal information, my picture(s) and my writing - where OIA holds the right to edit, will be displayed on the OIA website."

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    #6

    Re: ABC Ambassador

    Can anyone please help proofread my sentence? Thanks a lot!

    "I agree to be an ABC Ambassador; I understand that some of my personal information, my picture(s) and my writing - where OIA holds the right to edit, will be displayed on the OIA website."

  2. charliedeut's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: ABC Ambassador

    Quote Originally Posted by jasveron View Post
    Can anyone please help proofread my sentence? Thanks a lot!

    "I agree to be an ABC Ambassador; I understand that some of my personal information, my picture(s) and my writing - where OIA holds the right to edit, will be displayed on the OIA website."
    In this context, IMO, there's no need to repeat "my".
    Please be aware that I'm neither a native English speaker nor a teacher.

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