Student or Learner
How did you become interested in Computer Science?
Initially, my dream was to be a doctor. But since my cousin, began his work as computer seller, I saw this magic machine for the first time; I was just fascinated and decided to learn all about it. I still remember asking him daily to teach me about computer and he always said that I am a child so I canít understand it. I took this as a challenge and start watching him doing different tasks with his computer and when I come home I repeat these tasks on my computer and when I started my university courses in computer sciences, I just know that this is for me.
Why do you want to attend this conference?
I want to attend this conferencefor many reasons
The first one is to meet influential women in technology get inspiration and advises. Also expand my network during activities with technical women from all disciplines and career stages. The second reason is to find out about what is new in the field, and learn about current research in area. The third reason is to find a job or internship in companies, universities, or government laboratories.
Describe your most meaningful achievement and how it relates to your field and your future goals.
In my field of study, which is computer sciences, I feel that there is so much that I can do to solve human problems using technology. I believe that my most meaningful achievements for attending my goal are my excellence in my university studies.
I began my studies at university at the age of 18 years as a student in applied university studies where I succeeded after three years of studies to design and construct an information system for monitoring production in a factory. I had very good grades so university allow me to singe up directly for computer engineering studies and after 3 years I succeeded again to accomplish a research work which is Data Integration For Semantic Email. This paper was accepted in the second national conference on computing for graduate and postgraduate students. I was top ranked in my promotion so I ensured 1 of 6 places available for Magister studies where I got several classes and did several activities like the integration of Latent Semantic Indexing retrieval model in TEERIER IR platform. I still in magister until now and I will start my magister thesis the next month.
Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.
Maybe a few of us on the forum can chip in here given that this is a longer text broken up into different questions. Here are some suggestions for the first response.
One issue that I noticed was that some of the sentences were joined or split in places that seemed a bit off to me. For instance, although it was certainly logical to use a comma after "challenge," the problem was that the sentence had too many ideas overall (in my opinion).
Also, in the first sentence, the idea with the use of "but" is that you changed your mind (or began to change your mind) about your future profession. The first two sentences were very close to giving this idea, but I think changing "since" to "then" helps complete the idea that a change had begun to take place. There are several other options of course.
EDIT: I was writing at the same time as emsr2d2, but I agree, the tenses were a problematic area in the first paragraph. In the second paragraph, it appears that a couple of the sentences are incomplete. In the third paragraph, at least one of the sentences is a run on (too many ideas and words).
Last edited by Academic Writing; 09-Sep-2012 at 00:24.