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    #1

    Small story about boy and bear

    Who could look over this essay?

    One day the boy woke up earlier and he decided to go to school through the forest. And the boy lost in the forest and then he met a huge bear, the bear was huge, its eyes was red and then the bear said to the boy now I’m going to eat you.The boy scared and started to run. While the boy was running one hunter heard that something is wrong, hunter stoped the boy and asked him. Why are you running? And the boy said that bear wants to eat me. Then hunter took a gun and killed the bear and the boy was rescued.
    Last edited by JustAlilBit; 09-Sep-2012 at 21:12.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Small story about boy and bear

    Why have you not used an article before "boy" at all in your piece? Initially, I thought perhaps your language does not use articles but then I spotted the articles before "gun" and "bear" in your last sentence. There are other problems with your piece but the lack of article before "boy" is the most important to fix.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  2. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Small story about boy and bear

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Why have you not used an article before "boy" at all in your piece? Initially, I thought perhaps your language does not use articles but then I spotted the articles before "gun" and "bear" in your last sentence. There are other problems with your piece but the lack of article before "boy" is the most important to fix.
    Basically, he is extracting the urine.

  3. 5jj's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Small story about boy and bear

    Quote Originally Posted by bhaisahab View Post
    Basically, he is extracting the urine.
    I fear you may be right. It may soon be time to rescue the forum from this bear.

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    #5

    Re: Small story about boy and bear

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Why have you not used an article before "boy" at all in your piece? Initially, I thought perhaps your language does not use articles but then I spotted the articles before "gun" and "bear" in your last sentence. There are other problems with your piece but the lack of article before "boy" is the most important to fix.
    I don't know why, because I am not sure when I need to use them. What's other problems with my piece? Could you fix everything :D ? I know that I used too many times word "then". I just want to see how it looks correctly gramatically.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Small story about boy and bear

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAlilBit View Post
    I don't know why, because I am not sure when I need to use them. What's other problems with my piece? Could you fix everything :D ? I know that I used too many times word "then". I just want to see how it looks correctly gramatically.
    Getting us to fix the whole thing is just too easy for you. Here is a hint - you need to use an article before the word "boy" every single time in your piece.
    Show us that you want to put in some effort - go back and edit it, adding those articles and then I'll happily take another look. Until then, I won't be posting any more in this thread. Fixing it for you doesn't help to teach you how to write properly.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #7

    Re: Small story about boy and bear

    That is fixed! :)

  5. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Small story about boy and bear

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAlilBit View Post
    Who could look over this essay?

    One day the boy woke up earlier (earlier than what?) and he decided to go to school through the forest. And The boy (or "he") got lost in the forest and then he met a huge bear, the bear was huge, (repetition - you have said that it is a huge bear twice), its eyes was (does "was" fit with "eyes"?) red and then the bear said to the boy "Now I’m going to eat you" (remember to put quotation marks around speech). The boy (missing verb) scared and started to run. While the boy was running one a hunter heard that something is (tense agreement problem) wrong. The hunter stopped the boy and asked him "Why are you running?" And The boy said "That bear wants to eat me". Then the hunter took a gun and killed the bear and the boy was rescued.
    See above. I have corrected some errors and I have simply marked some others to show that there is an error. It is for you to work out what is wrong and try to correct it.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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