Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. Lenka's Avatar

    • Join Date: May 2004
    • Posts: 863
    #1

    a story connected with transport

    I have another text for you to correct... It's a fictious story about my departue for holiday. Could you correct it please?




    Topic: Tourism, holidays, and transport

    Our (bad) luck on 1st August

    Last summer my friends and I decided to go to Slovakia on holiday. We were all looking forward to it very much. We wanted to leave our town the first day of August. We started preparing for it just two days before our departure and it had a big result. The result was connected with a passport…
    The morning of our departure, we all flocked at the railway station. Our train should have left at 9 am… And another one was leaving at about 2 pm. We didn’t really want to miss our train and so we flocked there 15 minutes before the train departure.
    When we were getting on the train, my friend Susan remembered she forgot her passport! We all though it was just a stupid joke, but no – it wasn’t! She really wasn’t just kidding and so we all were faced a big decision: we could have all stayed in our town and wait for another train or leave Susan and go alone without her, which would have really been very bad act to Susan. What do you think we did? Of course, we got off the train and went home with Susan who had to search all her house to find the passport. Finally, she found it after 2 hours! It was hidden at the bottom of one of the drawers of her desk.
    At first we thought the other train was leaving at 14:05, but while waiting and boring at Susan’s, we switched Susan’s computer on and browsed other train departutes on the internet. We found out that there were more departure times and one of them was 11:30.
    As Susan lives about 13 minutes far from the railway station, we were really hurrying. We had only 10 minutes to get there, moreover with all our heavy luggages! We got there at 11:31 – we were late. Fortunately, the train was delayed and we got on it on time and left for our holiday.
    All the holiday was very fine and always when we remembered our “day of the departure“ we were just laughing. We were both very lucky and had bad luck too that day.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Laos

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 57,910
    #2

    Re: a story connected with transport

    it had a big result- I'd change this to something like 'this turned out to be very important we all flocked at- to And another one was leaving - and the next one was at 1.30 Susan remembered she forgot her passport- I'd use 'had forgotten' were faced a- were faced with a and wait for another train- waited.. left.. gone waiting and boring- waiting bored far from- delete 'far' had bad luck- I'd say 'lucky and unlucky'

  2. Lenka's Avatar

    • Join Date: May 2004
    • Posts: 863
    #3

    Re: a story connected with transport

    Oh, thanks! And that's all? I didn't make more mistakes? That is weird... :)

  3. Lenka's Avatar

    • Join Date: May 2004
    • Posts: 863
    #4

    Re: a story connected with transport

    What is incorrect about "we all flocked at"?
    (this sentence: "The morning of our departure, we all flocked at the railway station.")

    Can I say "got together" instead?

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Laos

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 57,910
    #5

    Re: a story connected with transport

    You flock to, but 'got together' or 'met' would be better- flock is large numbers.

Similar Threads

  1. English literature - "Hope" story.
    By true2life in forum Literature
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-Jul-2005, 10:48
  2. Air transport
    By SunnyLiu in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-Jan-2005, 14:06
  3. Take, get, board, alight (transport)
    By Wai_Wai in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 27-Sep-2004, 11:47

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •