[Essay] CAE Essay - Correction please ?

[Maddy8]

Hello ! I am currently training for the CAE and I would be very grateful if someone could please check this essay and maybe give it a mark. Thank you !

Was the French magazine Closer wrong to publish topless photos of a member of the royal family ?

There can be no doubt that, when the French magazine Closer decided to publish topless photos of the Duchess of Cambridge, they shocked the world. Such an invasion of privacy caused the magazine to be sued and the photos to be withdrawn within a few days of their publication. But while most see in this issue an incredible disrespect of the royal family, some argue that the freedom of the press gave every right to the tabloid to publish those pictures.

Few would dispute the fact that this kind of pictures represents such an invasion of privacy that it is almost grotesque. Everyone has a right to privacy, including celebrities. Furthermore, the fact that the pictures showed the Duchess of Cambridge added to the disrespect and shock felt worldwide.

On the other hand, the freedom of the press reminds us that Closer had all the rights to publish those pictures. Moreover, it should be remembered that tabloids such as this magazine only exist thanks to this kind of scandals; it was therefore natural for the magazine to publish these photos.

In conclusion, whilst the freedom of the medias stays a vital part of the democracy, the publication of this kind of pictures does not respect another liberty, the right to privacy, which is just as important and often forgotten by tabloids, and the identity of the person featured on these photos, be it a member of the royal family or not, does not change anything to this elementary right.

 

[Gillnetter]

Hello ! I am currently training for the CAE and I would be very grateful if someone could please check this essay and maybe give it a mark. Thank you !

Was the French magazine Closer wrong to publish topless photos of a member of the royal family ?

There can be no doubt that, when the French magazine Closer decided to publish topless photos of the Duchess of Cambridge, they shocked the world. Such an invasion of privacy caused the magazine to be sued and the photos to be withdrawn within a few days of their publication. But while most see, in this issue, an incredible disrespect of the royal family, some argue that the freedom of the press gave every right to the tabloid to publish those pictures.

Few would dispute the fact that [STRIKE]this [/STRIKE] these kind of pictures represents such an invasion of privacy that it is almost grotesque. Everyone has a right to privacy, including celebrities. Furthermore, the fact that the pictures showed the Duchess of Cambridge added to the disrespect and shock felt worldwide.

On the other hand, the freedom of the press reminds us that Closer had [STRIKE]all the rights[/STRIKE] the right to publish those pictures. Moreover, it should be remembered that tabloids, such as this magazine, only exist thanks to [STRIKE]this [/STRIKE] these kind of scandals; it was therefore natural for the magazine to publish these photos.
(When you write "such as this magazine", I first felt that this piece was part of an article written for a magazine. It may be better to write something like, "such as Closer".

In conclusion, whilst the freedom of the [STRIKE]medias [/STRIKE] media [STRIKE]stays [/STRIKE] is a vital part of the democracy, the publication of [STRIKE]this [/STRIKE] these kind of pictures does not respect another liberty, the right to privacy, which is just as important and often forgotten by tabloids, and the identity of the person featured on these photos, be it a member of the royal family or not, does not change anything [STRIKE]to [/STRIKE] ​regarding this elementary right.
(When you write, "the democracy", I assume that you are referring to the political institutions of your country. This could also be written, " is a vital part of democracy".

Look at the difference between "this" and "these". This is my finger. These are my fingers. As an aside, the right to privacy is not considered a liberty. On the whole, your writing is very good and you should have no problem passing any test.

 

[Maddy8]

Thank you very much for these very helpful corrections (Did I get that right ? ;-)) I actually thought that "this" was used to describe "kind" which is singular... Anyway, thank you again and have a nice day !

 

[Chicken Sandwich]

Thank you very much for these very helpful corrections (Did I get that right ? ;-)) I actually thought that "this" was used to describe "kind" which is singular... Anyway, thank you again and have a nice day !

Hello ! I am currently training for the CAE and I would be very grateful if someone could please check this essay and maybe give it a mark. Thank you !

Do not put a space before a full stop, comma, question mark or exclamation mark.

Good luck with the CAE.

 

[Gillnetter]

Thank you very much for these very helpful corrections (Did I get that right ? ;-)) I actually thought that "this" was used to describe "kind" which is singular... Anyway, thank you again and have a nice day !

The more common way to write this is, "These kinds of pictures". Pluralizing "kinds" fits with "these." I didn't object to "These kind of pictures" because it is in common usage. Even the well known English writer, Shakespeare, used this form in King Lear - "These kind of knaves I know." "kind" is related to kin. Kin is thought of as a collective word and doesn't have a plural form because it is plural. Unless you are willing to argue your case and cite some of the older English writers, it is best to use, "These kinds."

 

[Chicken Sandwich]

I didn't object to "These kind of pictures" because it is in common usage.

Interesting, I've always thought that it was wrong, these kind.

 

[Gillnetter]

Interesting, I've always thought that it was wrong, these kind.

Language, like law or the US tax code, is full of exceptions. Up to the middle of the 19th Century, ain't was considered to be an acceptable word for most people. Today, ain't is considered vulgar and the education of the speaker is brought into question. I hear, "these kind", and, "these kinds", frequently and I'm not sure if even the speaker is aware of the word he/she is using, as it is part of a general term.