Need advice on grammar

[ostap77]

We've been told to find any grammatical hiccups whatever in the text.

"The effect of these changes in parental attiudes on 1)the children has been drastic.2)The small child recognizes what he sees. What he is told has much less of an impact on him. He sees his mother working around the house for him. 3)He is told only that his father also works for his well-being;he doesn't see it. 4)In the suburban family, 5)when the father commutes to work, he has to leave early and 6)he comes home when the child is about to be put to bed."

I would dare to suggest some changes to the text. I would need your advice.

1) I would just say "....on children" -OK?
2) I would change to the indefinite article "A small child recognizes....."-OK?
3) Wouldn't it be better to say "He is only told....."?
4) Could I say "In a suburban family......."?
5) Perhaps it might be better with " where father commutes.."?
6) ".....early and comes back home when the kids are about to be put....."?

[billmcd]

We've been told to find any grammatical hiccups whatever in the text.

"The effect of these changes in parental attiudes on 1)the children has been drastic.2)The small child recognizes what he sees. What he is told has much less of an impact on him. He sees his mother working around the house for him. 3)He is told only that his father also works for his well-being;he doesn't see it. 4)In the suburban family, 5)when the father commutes to work, he has to leave early and 6)he comes home when the child is about to be put to bed."

I would dare to suggest some changes to the text. I would need your advice.

1) I would just say "....on children" -OK? Yes.
2) I would change to the indefinite article "A small child recognizes....."-OK? Yes.
3) Wouldn't it be better to say "He is only told....."? No. The meaning of "only told" would be that the information was not conveyed in any other way, such as "shown". Whereas "told only" means that the child received only that information and none other.
4) Could I say "In a suburban family......."? Yes, but "the" is OK to make it distinct from an urban family.
5) Perhaps it might be better with " where father commutes.."? No, because the sentence includes a time reference, "early".
6) ".....early and comes back home when the kids are about to be put....."? Either one works, but I prefer "home".

b.

[ostap77]

I was going to ask one more question about 5) in my previous report. Could I use "father" without the definite article as I did?

[Rover_KE]

Yes.

[ostap77]

What about 6)? In the original text it's "... he comes home when the child is about to be put to bed." "the child" doesn't sound right to me. There would be two boys in an average suburban family (or at least several children). So I guess it needs to be pluralized. Could I change it to "when the kids are about to be put....." or "when children are about...."?

[billmcd]

What about 6)? In the original text it's "... he comes home when the child is about to be put to bed." "the child" doesn't sound right to me. There would be two boys in an average suburban family (or at least several children). So I guess it needs to be pluralized. Could I change it to "when the kids are about to be put....." or "when children are about...."?

Yes. And I would prefer "children".