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    #1

    Please edit it: From her gentleness and quietness...

    From her gentleness and quietness, I smelt some tumultuousness and treacherousness lurking behind, which rendered me uneasy.

  1. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please edit it: From her gentleness and quietness...

    Quote Originally Posted by NewHopeR View Post
    From her gentleness and quietness, I smelt some tumultuousness and treacherousness lurking behind, which rendered me uneasy.
    It doesn't make sense.

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    #3

    Re: Please edit it: From her gentleness and quietness...

    Quote Originally Posted by bhaisahab View Post
    It doesn't make sense.
    Use your imagination, or maybe not.

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    #4

    Re: Please edit it: From her gentleness and quietness...

    Hmm.. how about:

    Behind her gentleness and quietness, I smelt some tumultuousness and treacherousness lurking, which rendered me uneasy.

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    #5

    Re: Please edit it: From her gentleness and quietness...

    Quote Originally Posted by NewHopeR View Post
    Hmm.. how about:

    Behind her gentleness and quietness, I smelt some tumultuousness and treacherousness lurking, which rendered me uneasy.
    You are after some sort of comparison here. I would start the sentence with something like, "In spite of her...".

  2. 5jj's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Please edit it: From her gentleness and quietness...

    Quote Originally Posted by NewHopeR View Post
    Behind her gentleness and quietness, I smelt some tumultuousness and treacherousness lurking, which rendered me uneasy.
    I could accept that.

  3. Raymott's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Please edit it: From her gentleness and quietness...

    Quote Originally Posted by NewHopeR View Post
    Hmm.. how about:

    Behind her gentleness and quietness, I smelt some tumultuousness and treacherousness lurking, which rendered me uneasy.
    It's pretty awful stylistically with all those "-nesses". Sorry.
    Also "smelt" doesn't sound right unless you're a dog.
    " ... I detected some tumult and treachery, which made me uneasy."

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