I had to write a personal statement for college application. I've no idea how or what a personal statement should be, but after a Google investigation I came up with this much. Is this appropriate, and even more so, is this good?

When I was seven, my mother died from a blood clot. Losing her was perhaps the most difficult moment of my life. Also, it was the biggest turning point. She died of a blood clot that passed to her lungs. I did not find out until my grandmother thought it was fit to tell me, but the day before her death, she had been to the emergency room. A doctor examined her, decided she was constipated, and sent her home to rest. Had the doctor properly examined her,it is easy to assume she might be here today.

I could have spent my time dealing with the "what if?'s". Instead, I determined that I would do something. That, is why I made the decision to pursue a career in medicine. I want to change people's lives, for the better. Everyone has to start somewhere though; in my situation, that somewhere was studying in school and making preparations for my future. My next step now is to gain an undergraduate degree. I hope and anticipate to do that at your institution.