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  1. Newbie
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      • Native Language:
      • Tagalog
      • Home Country:
      • Philippines
      • Current Location:
      • Philippines

    • Join Date: Oct 2012
    • Posts: 13

    Is the writing alright?

    I am asked by my literature professor to write in a flowery style (although I donít consider mine as flowery, but at least something close.) and after which we would distinguish how it is different to normal writing. The topic he would like me to write about is-"Does God exist?" because he is also my professor in philosophy. Anyway, since I don't want to write a lengthy paragraph I decided to stand in middle ground. Please say if it is fine or not. Thanks!

    "Does God exist? He asks of me. Instead of concurrence and rejection, I shall respond that such question equates to great vagueness. Such question was asked to test my conformance to either of them that speaks of Godís presence or absence. But I, a man who defies the extremes, shall inhibit the words my tongue can bear that shall in turn be the reason for the demise of the other I ought not to choose."

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 19,062

    Re: Is the writing alright?

    Note: "alright" will be criticized by some who feel only "all right" is correct.

    I wouldn't call it flowery, but I'd say it obtuse, almost impenetrable, and hard to read - in other words, what I consider to be typical academic writing. I'm not sure it's even grammatical toward the end with " the words my tongue can bear that shall in turn be the reason for the demise of the other I ought not to choose."

    But if he's looking for you to produce bad writing, you did a great job. I think that was the point of the exercise, right?

    The whole thing could be written as: Does God exist or? I'm not going to give an opinion, because no matter which answer I choose, I will end up with someone upset with me.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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