Please, help to write complaint!

[LostAndFound]

Could anyone, please, help me with complaint?
It might not be very good and properly written complaint, and it ends not very politely, but I don't expect any outcome for me from this complaint, but I hope that they will review it and maybe do something about it. So, I do want it to look professionally and well written.
It turned out very long, but I don't know how to make it shorter...
I will appreciate any help with spelling, grammar, rearranging words or any other help and suggestions!
Thank you in advance!



(My name,
address,
phone,
e-mail)

December 11, 2012

(CEO name
and address)

Dear (CEO name),

I have been a tenant of (business name) for two years, renting a 5x5 storage space #373 at (address). Unfortunately, incident that happened at this location on November 24 makes me cancel my contract and move out.

On the night of November 24, I went to my storage to prepare the Christmas parcel for my parents. I didn’t have watch and didn’t see that it was 22.20 (according to manager) when I was done.

The gate was already closed. I used the speaker on the security system to call for help, but nobody responded. After few tries I started honking my car horn, but nobody responded. After about 20 minutes of tries I called 1-888-… …. number, the emergency line. I explain to the person that answered my call what happened, told zip code and street name, but I didn’t remember the street number. I explained that on that street there are two (business name). Since I didn’t know the street number, the person REFUSED to help me. I was told that she would not call manager and would not wake up manager if I didn’t know where I am! My explanation that I will have to spend the night in the car if she will not call manager did not help!

After I was refused help from “emergency customer help” I started walking around and found a small gate that led outside the property. That gate was unlocked and I went to see what is the street number of the property. I walked around the building, went to the street, but the property did not have the street number! I could not find the number anywhere.

I went back to the small gate, but it was locked! It was 30 degrees Fahrenheit and I was wearing just a tee-shirt! I was locked on the opposite side of the gate from my car! I started yelling and throwing small rocks in the windows of the building, hoping that the person that was inside will hear me and will open the gate. But nobody responded!

I spent probably another 20 minutes outside. I got really cold, was shaking and shivering! I called again emergency line and explaind that I will have to call 911 if nobody will call manager! As I was explaining that, police pulled to the parking lot. Instead of opening the gate, the person that was inside the building called police. I was treated by police as a burglar!

I spent totally almost an hour outside at 30F in a tee-shirt! Next day I was sick, and was coughing! I did not go to work on Monday and Tuesday of November 26 and 27.

On Monday November 26, I called customer support with complain, and requested to talk to a supervisor, but instead customer support said that somebody from regional office will contact me. Later that day I was contacted by a person from regional office and was offered $25 as a compensation. I refused that offer, as it would not be sufficient compensation after what happened. Day later I was contacted by manager on site and offered one month of free rent, which is $41.00. I refused that offer too.

Thank you for your generous offers, but I believe that life and health of a customer worth much more! I hope that my case will be reviewed and in the future other tenants will not find themselves in the situation like mine. Hope that you will treat your customers properly and will respond to emergency calls accordingly! I do not more expect anything from (business name), except better customer care for other tenants!
Thank you for taking time to review my complaint letter!

Sincerely,

(my mane)

[billmcd]

Could anyone, please, help me with complaint?
It might not be very good and properly written complaint, and it ends not very politely, but I don't expect any outcome for me from this complaint, but I hope that they will review it and maybe do something about it. So, I do want it to look professionally and well written.
It turned out very long, but I don't know how to make it shorter...
I will appreciate any help with spelling, grammar, rearranging words or any other help and suggestions!
Thank you in advance!



(My name,
address,
phone,
e-mail)

December 11, 2012

(CEO name
and address)

Dear (CEO name),

I have been a tenant of had rented a 5x5 storage space (#373) from (business name) for two years, renting at at (address). Unfortunately, an incident that happened at this location on November 24 makes has forced me to cancel my contract and move out.

On the night of November 24, I went to my storage area to prepare the a Christmas parcel for my parents. I didn’t have a watch and didn’t see that it was 22.20 (according to manager) when I was done.

The gate was already closed. I used the speaker on the security system to call for help, but nobody responded. After a few tries I started honking my car horn, but nobody responded. After about 20 minutes of tries I called 1-888-… …. number, the emergency line. I explained to the person that answered my call what happened, told gave the zip code and street name, but I didn’t remember the street number. I explained that on that street there are two (business name). Since I didn’t know the street number, the person REFUSED to help me. I was told that she would not call the manager and would not wake him up manager if I didn’t know where I am was! My explanation that I will would have to spend the night in the car if she will not call manager did not help!

After I was refused help from the “emergency customer help” I started walking around and found a small gate that led outside the property. That gate was unlocked and I went to see what is the street number of the property. I walked around the building, went to the street, but the property did not have the street number! I could not find the number anywhere.

I went back to the small gate, but it was locked! It was 30 degrees Fahrenheit and I was wearing just a tee-shirt! I was locked out on the opposite side of the gate from my car! I started yelling and throwing small rocks stones in at the windows of the building, hoping that the person that was inside will would hear me and will open the gate. but nobody responded!

I spent probably another 20 minutes outside. I got really cold, was shaking and shivering! I called again the emergency line and explained that I will would have to call 911 if nobody will would call manager! As I was explaining that, police pulled into the parking lot. Instead of opening the gate, the person that was inside the building called police. I was treated by police as a burglar!

I spent totally almost an hour outside at 30F in a tee-shirt! Next day I was sick, and was coughing! I did not go to work on Monday and Tuesday of November 26 and 27.

On Monday November 26, I called customer support with a complaint, and requested to talk to a supervisor, but instead customer support said that somebody from regional office will would contact me. Later that day I was contacted by a person from the regional office and was offered $25 as a compensation for my experience. I refused that offer, as it would not be sufficient compensation after what happened. A day later I was contacted by the manager on site and offered one month of free rent, which is $41.00. I refused that offer too.

Thank you for your generous offers, but I believe that life and health of a customer are worth much more! I hope that my case will be reviewed and in the future other tenants will not find themselves in the situation like mine. I hope that you will treat your customers properly and will respond to emergency calls accordingly! I do not more expect anything more from (business name), except better customer care for other tenants renters!
Thank you for taking the time to review my complaint letter!

Sincerely,

(my mane)

Suggestions.

[LostAndFound]

billmcd, thank you VERY much!

Other members are still welcome to post other suggestions!

P.S. billmcd, one stupid question, how is my english? For academic level is it very low?

[billmcd]

There is no such thing as a "stupid question", only "stupid answers". But I would not consider your English "very low". On a scale of 1 to 10, I'll give it an 8. Mine is only a 9.

[LostAndFound]

Thank you, billmcd, you are giving me hope :). I would need to take IELTS in the future, and a good 7 in academic module would be great to have. But I don't believe my English is that good (or didn't believe it). But if you are giving me 8, then maybe after some advance courses of English it might indeed be 7 or 8. Last time I studied English in High School, and that was 12 years ago... Since then, I had practice in speaking and listening English (general topics, with americans, who are not the best source of learning proper English), but not writing, and that is my weakest point, my spelling is awful!!! Any suggestions how to get better in spelling?