gauri_agr
Member
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2010
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Hindi
- Home Country
- India
- Current Location
- United States
Hi All,
Please review my story below and correct the English. Thanks in advance
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There was a very poor boy. His name was Tom. He used to live in a small hut and he even didn’t have cot to sleep. He used to sleep on the hard floor.
One day he was very sad that he works so hard but he could just earn to buy his bread. He was crying when his boss saw him. His boss always liked him. Boss asked Tom if he could work an extra hour, he could increase his salary to double. Tom was very happy. He said yes to this offer. Soon he was able to buy a cot.
One day Tom was invited by one of his friend on his b’day. His house was so beautiful. Tom could not think to invite his friends to his house. He was so sad and crying. His boss saw him crying and asked him if he could work and extra hour, he can double his salary. Tom was so glad. He started working hard. He soon got a very good house.
One day one of tom’s friend gave a ride in his CAR. Tom felt so cozy in the CAR and he reached to his work place so soon. Otherwise he would have walked to the work place. He was so sad that he could not afford a car. He was crying when his boss saw him. His boss again offered him the same thing that if he could work an extra hour, he could double his salary.. Tom was happily read and soon he had a CAR.
Tom was very smart and hardworking and soon he a big screen TV, a smart phone, laptop and many other things he ever liked. Tom was very happy with his progress but he had to work real hard to get all these things. Infect many nights he never slept. He becomes so used to wake up in the night that even if he wanted to sleep, he was sleep less.
One day Tom felt a pain in his chest and he went into an emergency where doctor told him that he had an heart attack. Doctor also told that he has been diagnosed with high blood pressure and diabetes. When tom asked the reason doctor told that he had not slept properly for many years and so he developed insomnia and so other diseases.
Tom was again sad. He had a a grand and beautiful cot but he does not have the sleep in his eyes. He had food but he could not eat food but he could only eat the medicines. He had everything but he could not enjoy as he was sick. He was again crying when his boss saw him. His boss told that he himself had all these problems and we cannot our body back now.. Tom was in deep depression now and shouted so loudly.
Suddenly his mom came into Tom’s room and asked if he had a bad dream. Tom was dreaming all these things he was so revealed and jumped out of the bed with joy and confirms that he is out of all the diseases. Mom also told Tom that it is Sunday and all of his friends are waiting for him to play.
Tom could remember the last Friday in the school when his friend was making fun of him that he always wears one pant. When tom told that no he had many pant then before he could complete his sentence, his friend told him that he had many pant of same type. Tom was so happy after the dream that he was determined not to bother by his friend as he knows he has a healthy body which is much more precious than having a few pairs of pants.
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Gauri
Please review my story below and correct the English. Thanks in advance
-------------------------------------------------------
There was a very poor boy. His name was Tom. He used to live in a small hut and he even didn’t have cot to sleep. He used to sleep on the hard floor.
One day he was very sad that he works so hard but he could just earn to buy his bread. He was crying when his boss saw him. His boss always liked him. Boss asked Tom if he could work an extra hour, he could increase his salary to double. Tom was very happy. He said yes to this offer. Soon he was able to buy a cot.
One day Tom was invited by one of his friend on his b’day. His house was so beautiful. Tom could not think to invite his friends to his house. He was so sad and crying. His boss saw him crying and asked him if he could work and extra hour, he can double his salary. Tom was so glad. He started working hard. He soon got a very good house.
One day one of tom’s friend gave a ride in his CAR. Tom felt so cozy in the CAR and he reached to his work place so soon. Otherwise he would have walked to the work place. He was so sad that he could not afford a car. He was crying when his boss saw him. His boss again offered him the same thing that if he could work an extra hour, he could double his salary.. Tom was happily read and soon he had a CAR.
Tom was very smart and hardworking and soon he a big screen TV, a smart phone, laptop and many other things he ever liked. Tom was very happy with his progress but he had to work real hard to get all these things. Infect many nights he never slept. He becomes so used to wake up in the night that even if he wanted to sleep, he was sleep less.
One day Tom felt a pain in his chest and he went into an emergency where doctor told him that he had an heart attack. Doctor also told that he has been diagnosed with high blood pressure and diabetes. When tom asked the reason doctor told that he had not slept properly for many years and so he developed insomnia and so other diseases.
Tom was again sad. He had a a grand and beautiful cot but he does not have the sleep in his eyes. He had food but he could not eat food but he could only eat the medicines. He had everything but he could not enjoy as he was sick. He was again crying when his boss saw him. His boss told that he himself had all these problems and we cannot our body back now.. Tom was in deep depression now and shouted so loudly.
Suddenly his mom came into Tom’s room and asked if he had a bad dream. Tom was dreaming all these things he was so revealed and jumped out of the bed with joy and confirms that he is out of all the diseases. Mom also told Tom that it is Sunday and all of his friends are waiting for him to play.
Tom could remember the last Friday in the school when his friend was making fun of him that he always wears one pant. When tom told that no he had many pant then before he could complete his sentence, his friend told him that he had many pant of same type. Tom was so happy after the dream that he was determined not to bother by his friend as he knows he has a healthy body which is much more precious than having a few pairs of pants.
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Gauri