You have posted this same letter twice, once here and again in the Letter Writing section. It's not appropriate to duplicate posts - it can get very confusing, and would be frustrating if someone took the time to correct one of them, only to find that someone else was doing the other one.
Please decide which one you would like to keep and I will delete the other. If there is no further reply to this thread in the next couple of hours, I will simply delete the one in the Letter Writing section and leave this one to be dealt with here.
Student or Learner