Cover Letter Exchange Student

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Hanood

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Hey guys can you please check this cover letter for me and give your opinion or even any corrections?! :-D


My Name
My Email
Jordan, Amman
My Number

Friday January 04, 2013


Cardiff Metropolitan University

Cardiff CF24 0SP, United Kingdom



Dear Sirs,

In this letter I would like to express my interest in the EPIC student exchange program at Cardiff Metropolitan University. I am currently a Computer Science student in my third year of the Undergraduate studies at the University Of Jordan.

I have got really excited about this opportunity right after I watched the video about “Computing & Information Systems at Cardiff Met” online, it was like a dream to me to get involve in this tremendous course. I am also looking forward to to get the chance to experience life in a different culture which I find really interesting and hopefully I will improve personally and academically since Cardiff Met. is the right place for that.

Furthermore, technology has always been my passion and I’m willing to gain as much information as possible to enrich this desire. Knowing that I won’t be able to get what I aim for in my country is really frustrating so I hope to find it in yours.


Yours faithfully,
My Name
 

emsr2d2

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Welcome to the forum.

I have moved your piece to the Editing and Writing section as that is more appropriate.
 

emsr2d2

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Hey guys can you please check this cover letter for me and give your opinion or even any corrections?! :-D
My Name
My Email
Jordan, Amman
My Number

Friday January 04, 2013


Cardiff Metropolitan University
You need to add the rest of the address here
Cardiff
CF24 0SP
United Kingdom
(we put these sections of an address on separate lines)



Dear Sir/Madam (it would be better if you found out the name of the person in charge of applications and use their title and surname)

[STRIKE]In this letter[/STRIKE] I would like to express my interest in the EPIC student exchange program at Cardiff Metropolitan University. I am currently a Computer Science student in my third year of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] Undergraduate studies at the University Of Jordan.

I [STRIKE]have got[/STRIKE] became really excited about this opportunity [STRIKE]right[/STRIKE] immediately after I watched the video about “Computing and Information Systems at Cardiff Met” online. [STRIKE]it was[/STRIKE] It would be like a dream [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] for me to get involved in this tremendous course. I am also [STRIKE]looking forward[/STRIKE] very interested [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] in getting the chance to experience life in a different culture. [STRIKE]which I find really interesting and[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]hopefully[/STRIKE] I [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] hope to improve personally and academically, [STRIKE]since[/STRIKE] and Cardiff Met. is the right place for that.

Furthermore, technology has always been my passion and I’m willing to gain as much [STRIKE]information[/STRIKE] knowledge as possible to enrich this desire. [STRIKE]Knowing that I won’t be able to get what I aim for in my country is really frustrating so I hope to find it in yours.[/STRIKE]It is very difficult for me to achieve my aims in this country so I hope to be able to do so in the UK.

Yours faithfully (change to "Yours sincerely" if you have used a title and name at the beginning)
My Name


Please see my suggested amendments above in red.
 

Hanood

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Jordan
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Jordan
Thank you so much I really appreciate your help :D

but I'm not sure what do you mean by "You need to add the rest of the address here" after the name of the Uni ?!

plus I don't know who's the person in charge of such applications :/ so I'll stick with Dear Sir/Madam but should I add a comma after that ?!

Also I wanted to ask you if you find this cover letter short ?
 

emsr2d2

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Thank you so much. I really appreciate your help. :D

[STRIKE]but[/STRIKE] I'm not sure what [STRIKE]do[/STRIKE] you mean by "You need to add the rest of the address here" after the name of the Uni. [STRIKE]?![/STRIKE]

[STRIKE]plus[/STRIKE] I don't know who's [STRIKE]the person[/STRIKE] in charge of such applications [STRIKE]:/[/STRIKE] so I'll stick with "Dear Sir/Madam" but should I add a comma after that? [STRIKE]![/STRIKE]

Also I wanted to ask you if you find this cover letter short. [STRIKE]?[/STRIKE]

Whilst it's possible that the letter might get to the university if you just address it like you did, I would expect it to be something like:

Department of Admissions
Cardiff Metropolitan University
High Street
Cardiff
[Postcode]
UK

It's interesting that the "Contact Us" page of their website doesn't even list a postal address. Everything seems to be done by email.

Whether you put a comma after "Dear Sir/Madam" is a matter of style. Some people do, some don't. If you do, then you also need to put one after "Yours faithfully".

I have no experience of university covering letters so I don't know if it's short, long or the right length.
 

Hanood

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Jordan
Current Location
Jordan
Yeah I couldn't find any addressing information so I assumed I'll just send it to the Uni..

I'm sorry I just have on last question ,, I wanna add these last two paragraphs if you can check them for me

"Finally, I truly believe that this opportunity will highly affect my future life and it will definitely lead me to such successful path.

Looking forward to your positive response."
 

emsr2d2

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Yeah I couldn't find any address[STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] information so I assumed I'll just send it to the Uni.
[STRIKE]I'm sorry[/STRIKE] I just have one last question. I [STRIKE]wanna[/STRIKE] want to add these last two paragraphs if you can check them for me.

"Finally, I truly believe that this opportunity will highly affect my future life and it will definitely lead me to such successful path.

Looking forward to your positive response."

In my opinion, the first sentence is overkill and just unnecessary. However, I agree that you should add "I look forward to hearing from you". I find "I look forward to your positive response" rather presumptive.

Please go back and look at the amendments I made to each one of your posts (marked in red), especially with regard to punctuation and spacing. We never use two commas next to each other. One single instance of each punctuation mark is enough.
 

Hanood

Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Arabic
Home Country
Jordan
Current Location
Jordan
Thanks a lot.
Yes, I'm aware of your corrections. Thanks again.
 
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