I have the following suggestions for you. I have used basic vocab, where a more interesting word would be better e.g. said.
I won't comment on the content as I'm not a fan of this genre. Therefore no experience.
Danny could feel that he is watching him very closely even though he couldn't see his eyes through dark shades.
Danny could feel himself being watched very closely even though he couldn't see the other guy's eyes through the dark shades.
"Thank you for coming so promptly," the bald dragon interrupted the tense silence.
"Thank you for coming so promptly," the bald dragon said, interrupting the tense silence.
"Why don't you sit down so we can discuss our... business?" turned the man away from the window.
"Why don't you sit down so we can discuss our... business?" said the man as he turned away from the window.
stern contrast
stark contrast
Danny could sense that he enjoys causing pain in others.
Danny could sense that he enjoyed causing pain in others.
The bald dragon pointed towards an empty armchair just before he sat on the third one.
The bald dragon pointed towards an empty armchair as he sat on the third one.
The bodyguard stood up and took a place in front of the door, his back turned to the door, closing it.
The bodyguard stood up and took his place in front of the door. With his back turned to the door, he closed it.
or
The bodyguard stood up and, taking his place in front of the door, turned his back to the door and closed it.
Danny could watch the man's face in greater detail
Danny could see the man's face in greater detail
The most valuable assets of most people are lives.
The most valuable asset for most people is life.

Student or Learner
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