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  1. #1
    Kakashiprince is offline Newbie
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    Which of these sentences flow better?

    Do any of these sentences makes sense? (which one do you prefer?)


    My family history suggests that I am prone to diabetes; therefore, I want to teach myself and others to be healthy - especially by giving others advices like patients in Mt. Sinai hospital where patients I worked with were diabetic.

    or

    My family history suggests that I am prone to diabetes; therefore, I want to teach myself and others to be healthy. For instance, giving advices to diabetic patients in Mt. Sinai hospital whom I worked with.

    or

    My family history suggests that I am prone to diabetes; therefore, I want to teach myself and others to be healthy - especially patients in Mt. Sinai hospital where patients I worked with were diabetic.

  2. #2
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is online now VIP Member
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    Re: Which of these sentences flow better?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kakashiprince View Post
    My family history suggests that I am prone to diabetes; therefore, I want to teach myself and others to be healthy - especially patients in Mt. Sinai hospital, where patients I worked with were diabetic.
    That's OK with the comma.

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