Something Just Seems 'Off' About This? Your Thoughts Appreciated.

[luxinterior]

Hi

I'm just writing a short two line blurb that's supposed to be a kind of 'mission statement' and something just doesn't sound correct to me. Would appreciate some feedback from other, more knowledgeable people :lol:

A professional programmer for almost 15 years who's managed to make a decent living purely from working on the Internet. With my plugins and articles I hope to help other people do the same.

Thanks

Steve

PS: 'Plugins' refers to the software I write... just in case anybody was wondering.

 

[JMurray]

A professional programmer for almost 15 years who's managed to make a decent living purely from working on the Internet. With my plugins and articles I hope to help other people do the same.

Perhaps:
As a professional programmer for almost 15 years, I've managed to make a decent living purely from working on the Internet. With my plugins and articles I hope to help other people do the same.

not a teacher

 

[tedtmc]

With my plugins and articles I hope to help other people do the same.

That's vague. You should say what you do with you plugins and articles to help the people. Do you sell/publish them?

not a teacher

 

[luxinterior]

Perhaps:
As a professional programmer for almost 15 years, I've managed to make a decent living purely from working on the Internet. With my plugins and articles I hope to help other people do the same.

not a teacher

Thanks for your suggestion. Sounds much better. Funny how just a slight rearrangement of the words
can make all the difference.

Steve

 

[luxinterior]

That's vague. You should say what you do with you plugins and articles to help the people. Do you sell/publish them?

not a teacher

It's for a small 'about' box with limited space. I can't write an essay and the site makes it abundantly clear what I mean by the term 'plugins' so there's no confusion at all. Thanks for your feedback though.

Steve

 

[Barb_D]

A comment on the content: It's about you - how you earn your living. Is your purpose for this blurb to talk about you or to talk about your readers and their needs?

 

[luxinterior]

A comment on the content: It's about you - how you earn your living. Is your purpose for this blurb to talk about you or to talk about your readers and their needs?

Hi

Thanks for your response.

I guess the answer is 'both'. It's an 'about' blurb so it has to cover both areas in a VERY short amount of space. I think that's why it seems a bit jarring to me. There's no flow or natural continuity from me to YOU. But as I say I'm restricted by space.

Steve