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  1. Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: Apr 2012
    • Posts: 119
    #1

    Any suggestions on how to amend this run-on sentence?

    Hi,

    Could anyone tell me some suggestions for making the following sentence grammatical and stylistically good?

    "The figure for the first quarter this year is 40 per cent lower than that of the same period last year, especially, there was a large reduction of 50 per cent in the number of those who reported to the registry for the first time."

    Thank you!

  2. Newbie
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Greece

    • Join Date: Sep 2010
    • Posts: 4
    #2

    Re: Any suggestions on how to amend this run-on sentence?

    Here are my suggestions:
    The figure for the first quarter OF this year is 40 per cent lower than FOR the same period last year, FUTHERMORE, there HAS BEEN a notable reduction of 50 per cent in the number of those who reported to the registry for the first time."

    OR A SIZEABLE 50 PER CENT REDUCTION

    Hope this helps.

  3. Moderator
    Retired English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England

    • Join Date: Jun 2010
    • Posts: 28,547
    #3

    Re: Any suggestions on how to amend this run-on sentence?

    You definitely need a full stop after 'last year'.

    I suggest

    "The figure for the first quarter this year is 40 per cent lower than that of the same period last year. Furthermore, there was a significant reduction of 50 per cent in the number of those who reported to the registry for the first time."

    Rover

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