May I ask some body to correct my essay

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wwwforest

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It is often said that the subjects taught in schools are too academic in orientation and that it would be more useful for children to learn about practical matters such as home management, work and interpersonal skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


School is universally perceived as the principal place where children acquire knowledge from. However, some people contend that the academic knowledge provided by school is not as useful as the practical matters. Personally, I considerably agree with this point of view


Admittedly, academic knowledge is essential for students to be accepted by university. Nowadays, many universities put a great importance on teenagers transcript when decide whether give them an offer or not. Nevertheless, without practical matters, students cannot be well-round educated even they are admitted into university. Following are two typical examples which illustrate how significant the practical matters are.

For one thing, social skill is a representative practical ability for children. In this era with information explosion, it is impractical for children to master all the knowledge and information they contacted. While, the tasks which children might deal with in future often involved with a wide range of knowledge and enormous amount of information. In that case, collaboration plays a crucial role in the process of achieving a task. If children are expected to adapt this situation, they would put more focus on how to communicate with others. Therefore, social skill, the indispensible capability, is significant.

Another classic practical ability which I would like to discuss is home management. Pressured by heavy study tasks, students need adequate relaxation to ensure their energetic study. Comfortable home environment is significant for students to relax. Home management enables students to make their home comfortable. So, it becomes absolutely impossible for students to enjoy a comfortable home environment after stressful study without the knowledge relevant with home management.

In conclusion, granted that the academic knowledge is significant for children to get an outstanding transcript, the practical matters are the prerequisites for them to be fully developed.
 
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emsr2d2

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Welcome to the forum.

When do you have to submit your essay to your teacher/tutor?
 

wwwforest

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That is an essay prepared for IELTS, and I want to ask someone to help me improving my essay.
 
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