[Grammar] Please, help me perfect my Cover Letter

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tkleinowski

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Dear users, I'm applying for a series of internships abroad, and I'm required to send a Cover Letter in adition to my CV. Can you please help me proofread it?
Thanks!
--

To whom it may concern:
First of all, I would like to introduce myself. My name is XXXXXX, I’m Brazilian, 22 years old, and I have a Bachelor degree in International Relations from Universidade de Santa Cruz do Sul, which was ranked one of the 4 best universities of Brazil in 2011. I’m writing the present letter due to my immense interest in your internship at Digital Performance (TN-In-DE-HU-2013-1472.) It is in my opinion a great opportunity to apply my knowledge, and I think I can be of the most value to the company, having the necessary skills and a great will to learn and live this experience. I could start as early as March 2013, and I am flexible with the internship duration.
During my studies I had the chance to be part of AIESEC, what would later become one of the biggest steps on my personal and professional development. I coordinated the Local Auditing Team for two terms in a row, being chosen later to be the Manager for Social Impact projects, where I was responsible for marketing strategies mainly, but also project management and fundraising.
Marketing and its subfields are the most fascinating matters for me ever since I entered college, which proved to be useful when I was selected to an internship at the International Affairs Office of my university. There I was in charge of creating a marketing plan aiming to get my university known worldwide, approaching international institutions to establish agreements of cooperation, while planning strategies to spread the abroad exchange opportunities inside the campus, increasing the number of participants two times and closing 7 new agreements of cooperation with different universities around the world.
Furthermore, I’m extremely self-motivated and always looking for new ways to improve my skills. I like to deal with people, especially those with a different point of view, as it is in my view the best way to learn something new and see through a different perspective. I'm also a great team player and an effective team leader, but I'm completely able to develop my work by myself if necessary.
Since I’m a professional who seeks constantly for knowledge and new challenges I’m looking for an opportunity that allows me to get hands-on both in the analytical and creative marketing environment. For these reasons and for being extremely passionate about entrepreneurism I think that Digital Performance, being a fast paced emerging company in the sector is the best choice I can make. In addition, I would love to get to know the entrepreneurial and cultural environment of such a beautiful and prosperous nation as Germany.

Best regards,
 
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februar

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Please, help me perfect my Cover Letter

Dear users, I'm applying for a series of internships abroad, and I'm required to send a Cover Letter in addition to my CV. Can you please help me proofread it?
Thanks!
--

To whom it may concern: (It’s better to write to the responsible person – try to find them out.)

[STRIKE]I’m writing the present letter due to my[/STRIKE] I am immensely interested in applying for your internship at Digital Performance (TN-In-DE-HU-2013-1472.) I could start as early as March 2013, and I am flexible with the internship duration.

[STRIKE]First of all, I would like to introduce myself.[/STRIKE] My name is XXXXXX, I’m Brazilian, 22 years old, and I have a Bachelor Degree in International Relations from Universidade de Santa Cruz do Sul, which was ranked one of the 4 best universities of Brazil in 2011.

It is [STRIKE]in my opinion[/STRIKE] a great opportunity to apply my knowledge, and I think I can be of [STRIKE]the most[/STRIKE] high value to the company, having the necessary skills and a great will to learn and live this experience. [STRIKE]I could start as early as March 2013, and I am flexible with the internship duration. [/STRIKE](See above)

During my studies I had the chance to be part of AIESEC, (What’s that and where?) what would later become one of the biggest steps on my personal and professional development. I coordinated the Local Auditing Team for two terms in a row, being chosen later to be the Manager for Social Impact projects, where I was responsible for marketing strategies mainly, but also project management and fundraising.

Marketing and its subfields are the most fascinating matters for me ever since I entered college, which proved to be useful when I was selected to an internship at the International Affairs Office of my university. There I was in charge of creating a marketing plan aiming to get my university known worldwide, approaching international institutions to establish agreements of cooperation, while planning strategies to spread the abroad exchange opportunities inside the campus, increasing the number of participants two times and closing 7 new agreements of cooperation with different universities around the world.

Furthermore, I’m extremely self-motivated and always looking for new ways to improve my skills. I like to deal with people, especially those with a different point of view, as it is [STRIKE]in my view[/STRIKE] the best way to learn something new and see through a different perspective. I'm also a great team player and an effective team leader, but I am completely able to develop my work by myself if necessary.

Since I am a professional who seeks constantly for knowledge and new challenges I am looking for an opportunity that allows me to get hands-on both in the analytical and creative marketing environment. For these reasons and for being extremely passionate about entrepreneurism I think that Digital Performance, being a fast paced emerging company in the sector is the best choice I can make. In addition, I would love to get to know the entrepreneurial and cultural environment of such a beautiful and prosperous nation as Germany.

Best regards,
Last edited by tkleinowski; Yesterday at 18:37.


This is my suggestion
februar - no teacher
 

tkleinowski

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Joined
Feb 26, 2013
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Student or Learner
Native Language
Portuguese
Home Country
Brazil
Current Location
Brazil
Thank you so much Februar! It was really helpful.
 
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