[Grammar] can you help me correct this application letter??

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rozalia31

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Hungarian
Home Country
Hungary
Current Location
Grenada
Thanks in advance to everyone!
Here's the task:
-Are you intereste in music
-Do you have any useful experience?
- Is your level of English good?

Dear Mr Fortune,

I have seen your advertisement in a magazine and I am writing to apply for a job in your music store.

I am 19-year-old student from Netherland and I have just finished school.I have lived in London for three years.I have excellent communication and organisational skills.I am optimistic person.I am hardworking,friendly and having excellent English.
Last year I worked in a music store but unfortunately it was closed.
Well,I think I am the suitable person , because I have always interested in music and I play all kind of instruments.
In addition I have a big music band,and I am the pianist.

I would be grateful if you would send me further details about this position.

I would welcome the oppurtunity if i attend an interview.

Your Faithfully,
xx
 

billmcd

Key Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Thanks in advance to everyone!
Here's the task:
-Are you interested in music
-Do you have any useful experience?
- Is your level of English good?

Dear Mr Fortune,

I have seen your advertisement in a magazine and [STRIKE] I am writing [/STRIKE] this my application [STRIKE] to apply for a job [/STRIKE] for a position in your music store.

I am 19-year-old student from the Netherlands and I have just [STRIKE] finished school [/STRIKE] completed my education. (You should specify the level of education.) I have [STRIKE] lived [/STRIKE] been living in London for three years. I have excellent communication and organisational skills. I am an optimistic person.I am hardworking, friendly and I have a good command of [STRIKE] excellent [/STRIKE] English. Last year, I worked in a music store, but unfortunately, it was closed.

[STRIKE]Well,I think I am the suitable person [/STRIKE] I believe I qualify for this position because I have always had an interest[STRIKE] ed [/STRIKE] in music and I play [STRIKE] all kind [/STRIKE] a variety of instruments.
In addition, I have a [STRIKE] big [/STRIKE] music band[STRIKE] ,and [/STRIKE] among which I am the pianist.

I would be grateful if you would send me further details about this position and I would welcome the opportunity [STRIKE]if i attend [/STRIKE] for an interview.

Yours [STRIKE]Faithfully,[/STRIKE] sincerely,
xx

b.
 
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rozalia31

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Hungarian
Home Country
Hungary
Current Location
Grenada
Thank you very much! :)
 
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