Academic Writing in a newspapar - Check paragraph

[HanibalII]

Hey guys. I'm currently writing a response in a newspaper to a question 'Why does an environmental Education Policy for Schools exist?'

I have a somewhat strong opinion on this and I'm trying to form the best articulated response. (If I do it badly, and it does get published, I don't want my lit lecturer looking at it and thinking it's wrong.)

I'd appreciate it if somebody could go over it for me and tell me if it 'flows'. I'm not sure if I should write it in essay style or adopt another method. I've never really written this type of article before.

The Environmental policy exists in order to educate and inform young learners of the consequences of their actions on Earth. The environment is an entire system supporting living things, including humans. What humans do determines the quality of life that we, as people, may have on this earth. Students need to be made aware of this as one day; they will be fighting for the survival of the Earth, and the condition they want it in. Environmental education is an important approach to learning that helps people appreciate their environment and their connection and impact.

Cheers

 

[Gillnetter]

Hey guys. I'm currently writing a response in a newspaper to a question 'Why does an environmental Education Policy for Schools exist?'

I have a somewhat strong opinion on this and I'm trying to form the best articulated response. (If I do it badly, and it does get published, I don't want my lit lecturer looking at it and thinking it's wrong.)

I'd appreciate it if somebody could go over it for me and tell me if it 'flows'. I'm not sure if I should write it in essay style or adopt another method. I've never really written this type of article before.






Cheers

The Environmental (No reason to capitalize environmental) policy exists in order to educate and inform young learners of the consequences of their actions ("actions" is too narrow of a word. I doubt that the action of dancing has a negative impact on the environment. Try something like "the way they treat the earth - be more specific) on earth. The environment is an entire system (Unless you are going to delve deeper into this system it is better not to use "entire".) supporting living things (Part of the environment includes rocks, water, and sand), including humans. What humans do determines the quality of life that we, as people, may have on this earth (That is only partially true - windstorms, earthquakes, volcanoes and other natural forces also figure into the quality of life) . Students need to be made aware of this as one day they will be fighting for the survival of the earth, and the condition they want it in. Environmental education is an important approach to learning that helps people appreciate their environment and their connection and impact (to it?).

 

[HanibalII]

The Environmental (No reason to capitalize environmental) policy exists in order to educate and inform young learners of the consequences of their actions ("actions" is too narrow of a word. I doubt that the action of dancing has a negative impact on the environment. Try something like "the way they treat the earth - be more specific) on earth. The environment is an entire system (Unless you are going to delve deeper into this system it is better not to use "entire".) supporting living things (Part of the environment includes rocks, water, and sand), including humans. What humans do determines the quality of life that we, as people, may have on this earth (That is only partially true - windstorms, earthquakes, volcanoes and other natural forces also figure into the quality of life) . Students need to be made aware of this as one day they will be fighting for the survival of the earth, and the condition they want it in. Environmental education is an important approach to learning that helps people appreciate their environment and their connection and impact (to it?).

Thanks mate.

Appreciate the suggestions. Some of them only seem small. So I'm happy with that.

Cheers