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  1. #1
    vanillahz is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Romanian
      • Home Country:
      • Romania
      • Current Location:
      • Romania
    Join Date
    Mar 2013

    Please help me improve my entry for a contest!

    So here is my entry:

    One day I woke up in the morning in a teacher’s shoes.
    I felt the tremendous call to go to school, thing that has never happened in the past. There, during my Physics class, I asked one pupil to come to the blackboard. The teenage girl refused. I asked her again and she left the classroom sputtering strong language.
    That incident made me feel awful and question myself whether I was a good teacher or not. Even though I was teaching for years, still one mismatch could tear me down. I’ve been thinking about it the entire day, during the rest of the classes I had to teach.
    When I arrived home, my feelings had changed. Instead of feeling guilty because one of my pupils misbehaved, I began to feel guilty over my own behavior. I was looking into the mirror, trying to find the inner peace that I needed so much. Even though I was tired after such a hard day, my body wouldn’t show any mercy on me. I had small bags under my eyes and dry lips, not to mention the sweat drops that were falling down my face and neck.
    “I must have been running” I thought, while finally realizing I had a folder in my hands and put it down. I was feeling miserable and I began to understand why. All the guilt, the fatigue and the sickness, they were all making sense now.
    Still, there was a little hope. I tried to take out all the Physics material I knew I have carried with me that day, but all I could find was an old notebook.
    “This is impossible!” I said and the mirror imitated my shocked expression.
    At the end of the day, I was a child again.

    As you see, I was given the beginning and the ending.
    I believe it's a good story but I don't know if it's also well written.
    My english teacher said I should use more "beautiful expressions" and she said that I misused the past tense somewhere...
    Please read it and firstly tell me about the grammar mistakes...
    and then help me with the "beautiful expressions"...

    Thank you so much!

  2. #2
    Tdol is online now Editor,
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan
    Join Date
    Nov 2002

    Re: Please help me improve my entry for a contest!

    If it's a contest, it should be your own work.

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