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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Romanian
      • Home Country:
      • Romania
      • Current Location:
      • Romania

    • Join Date: Mar 2013
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    Please help me improve my entry for a contest!

    So here is my entry:

    One day I woke up in the morning in a teacher’s shoes.
    I felt the tremendous call to go to school, thing that has never happened in the past. There, during my Physics class, I asked one pupil to come to the blackboard. The teenage girl refused. I asked her again and she left the classroom sputtering strong language.
    That incident made me feel awful and question myself whether I was a good teacher or not. Even though I was teaching for years, still one mismatch could tear me down. I’ve been thinking about it the entire day, during the rest of the classes I had to teach.
    When I arrived home, my feelings had changed. Instead of feeling guilty because one of my pupils misbehaved, I began to feel guilty over my own behavior. I was looking into the mirror, trying to find the inner peace that I needed so much. Even though I was tired after such a hard day, my body wouldn’t show any mercy on me. I had small bags under my eyes and dry lips, not to mention the sweat drops that were falling down my face and neck.
    “I must have been running” I thought, while finally realizing I had a folder in my hands and put it down. I was feeling miserable and I began to understand why. All the guilt, the fatigue and the sickness, they were all making sense now.
    Still, there was a little hope. I tried to take out all the Physics material I knew I have carried with me that day, but all I could find was an old notebook.
    “This is impossible!” I said and the mirror imitated my shocked expression.
    At the end of the day, I was a child again.



    As you see, I was given the beginning and the ending.
    I believe it's a good story but I don't know if it's also well written.
    My english teacher said I should use more "beautiful expressions" and she said that I misused the past tense somewhere...
    Please read it and firstly tell me about the grammar mistakes...
    and then help me with the "beautiful expressions"...

    Thank you so much!

  2. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Laos

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 60,228
    #2

    Re: Please help me improve my entry for a contest!

    If it's a contest, it should be your own work.

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