[Essay] Does this sentence sound natural? ' our school has employed Mr. Hassan as a Headteac'

[saloom2]

Hello everyone,

Does this sentence sound natural? If so, would you amend the parts which might be weak or could have been better typed.

Our school has employed Mr. Hassan as a Headteacher - I though he was as uptight as the previous one, Mr. Gamal, when I first saw him shout at one of the kindergarten students, but he turned out to be a kind, approachable and wise man that use his wisdom to solve problems among students, and much to my surprise, he's stopped Jack from bullying.

 

[Gillnetter]

Hello everyone,

Does this sentence sound natural? If so, would you amend the parts which might be weak or could have been better typed. (Not "typed". Typing is a matter of striking keys. A better word is "written".)

Our school has employed Mr. Hassan as [STRIKE]a [/STRIKE] (I assume that there is only one "Headteacher", so "a" cannot be used here. Either do not use an article, or use "the".) Headteacher - I though he was as uptight as the previous one, Mr. Gamal, when I first saw him shout (One does not "see" a shout, one hears a "shout".) at one of the kindergarten students, but he turned out to be a kind, approachable and wise man [STRIKE]that [/STRIKE] (Use "who" when referring to people.) uses his wisdom to solve problems among students, and, much to my surprise, he's stopped Jack from bullying.

Gil

 

[saloom2]

[/COLOR](One does not "see" a shout, one hears a "shout".)

I was at his office when he suddenly stand up to shout at the kid. So I saw what happened then. It should be see, shouldn't it? I just want more clarify on that point.

 

[Gillnetter]

I was [STRIKE]at [/STRIKE] in his office when he suddenly [STRIKE]stand [/STRIKE] stood up to shout at the [STRIKE]kid[/STRIKE] child ("kid" is used in an informal sense. Actually, a kid is the offspring of a goat). So, I saw what happened then. It should be see, shouldn't it? I just want more clarify on that point.

It could be used that way. I was pointing out that sounds are heard, not seen.