[General] How to make a good example

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Edo Walhalla

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According to you, it's the following example good to say in written English or not?
I would like to use two invented people to make a good example but I don't know whether is good or not.

I'll help myself with two fake students, Jonh and Mark. Jonh goes to school everyday and he follows every classes. Mark is always at home and he skips schools. Probably, Jonh's marks would be higher than Mark's one, ever if Mark studies everyday more than Jonh. This happens because Jonh goes to school amd he pays attention to the teacher and this is more important than study alone at home.

Thanks in advance
 

emsr2d2

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[STRIKE]According to you[/STRIKE]In your opinion, [STRIKE]it's[/STRIKE] is the following example [STRIKE]good to say in[/STRIKE] well-written English or not?

[STRIKE]I would like to use two invented people to make a good example but I don't know whether is good or not.[/STRIKE] Unnecessary

I'll [STRIKE]help myself[/STRIKE] (this definitely isn't the right verb but I don't understand what you want to say so I can't correct it) with two fake students, [STRIKE]Jonh[/STRIKE] John and Mark. [STRIKE]Jonh[/STRIKE] John goes to school [STRIKE]everyday[/STRIKE] every day and he [STRIKE]follows[/STRIKE] attends every [STRIKE]classes[/STRIKE] class. Mark is always at home and he skips [STRIKE]schools[/STRIKE] school. [STRIKE]Probably[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]Jonh's[/STRIKE] John's marks would probably be higher than Mark's [STRIKE]one[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]ever[/STRIKE] even if Mark [STRIKE]studies[/STRIKE] studied [STRIKE]everyday[/STRIKE] more than [STRIKE]Jonh[/STRIKE] John every day. This happens because [STRIKE]Jonh[/STRIKE] John goes to school [strike]amd[/strike] and he pays attention to the teacher. [strike]and[/strike] This is more important than studying alone at home.

Thanks in advance.

Please see my amendments in red above. Note that the correct spelling of the first student's name is "John".
 

Edo Walhalla

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Please see my amendments in red above. Note that the correct spelling of the first student's name is "John".

Thank you so much. Your English is awesome and, reading the corrections you made, I'm improving my English.
I wrote the sentence "I'll help myself with two fake students" because my example will start in the middle of my essay. For example: I need to write an essay about skipping class or not. When I stat, I would say the reason why, in my opinion, it's better to attend class. Then, to add and example, I would say "I'll help myselfwith two fake students". I don't know if I help you to understand what I mean. It's a sort of "introduction" for the example I'm going to write.
Second of all, I don't undestand a correction you made:
- in the phrase "John's marks would probably be higher than Mark's one" why is the word "one" wrong? I mean in written English subject is compulsory;

Thank you
 

emsr2d2

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Thank you so much. Your English is awesome and, reading the corrections you made, I'm improving my English.
That's very nice of you to say but my English is not awesome - it's just my native language!

I wrote the sentence "I'll help myself with two fake students" because my example will start in the middle of my essay. For example: I need to write an essay about skipping class or not. When I stat, I would say the reason why, in my opinion, it's better to attend class. Then, to add and example, I would say "I'll help myselfwith two fake students". I don't know if I help you to understand what I mean. It's a sort of "introduction" for the example I'm going to write.
Perhaps you could say "I will use two made-up students as an example".

Second of all, I don't undestand a correction you made:
- in the phrase "John's marks would probably be higher than Mark's one" why is the word "one" wrong? I mean in written English subject is compulsory.
Using "one" made no sense. You could have said "John's marks would probably be higher than Mark's marks" (which sounds strange) but "one" is not a replacement for "marks", partly because "marks" is plural and "one" is singular.

Thank you.

Please see my comments above.

I have a question - when will you submit this essay to your teacher/tutor?
 

Edo Walhalla

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Please see my comments above.

I have a question - when will you submit this essay to your teacher/tutor?

I mustn't submit this to anybody. I've done this only because I'm going to take the TOEFL exam, and the "writing section" it's my raw nerve. Thus, I'm writing as much as I can to improve my writing. I learnt English in Australia, because I spent 3 months there as an exchange student two years ago. I can speak pretty good English, listening and reading are not my problems but I cannot write. Even in Italian, which is my native language, I really do awful essays. Moreover, writing takes me so much time because I need to go through what I wrote to check it, but I've no time (allowed time is 20 - 30 minutes, it depends from the tasks). In addiction, I've never studied English grammar with a teacher, indeed I'm studying in now by myself.
This is the reason why I'm writing a lot :-D
 

emsr2d2

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I mustn't submit this to anybody. I've done this only because I'm going to take the TOEFL exam, and the "writing section" it's my raw nerve. Thus, I'm writing as much as I can to improve my writing. I learnt English in Australia, because I spent 3 months there as an exchange student two years ago. I can speak pretty good English, listening and reading are not my problems but I cannot write. Even in Italian, which is my native language, I really do awful essays. Moreover, writing takes me so much time because I need to go through what I wrote to check it, but I've no time (allowed time is 20 - 30 minutes, it depends from the tasks). In addiction, I've never studied English grammar with a teacher, indeed I'm studying in now by myself.
This is the reason why I'm writing a lot :-D

OK, that's fine. It was just that when you started talking about your "essay", I was concerned this was an assignment which, of course, we can't help with. You might want to take another look at the word I've marked in red above. I think it's a rather marvellous typo, given that you are clearly very keen on learning and practising English! ;-)
 

Edo Walhalla

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OK, that's fine. It was just that when you started talking about your "essay", I was concerned this was an assignment which, of course, we can't help with. You might want to take another look at the word I've marked in red above. I think it's a rather marvellous typo, given that you are clearly very keen on learning and practising English! ;-)
Ahahha of course it is (I'm studying English every day but I'm not addicted by English yet).
I meant "in addition" :)
 
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