I need help with using the hyphen in sentences and with revision

[DaSi14]

Hello, I'm having difficulty with using the hyphen correctly in a sentence. The sentence I have written out is this:

"I admit it’s a bit romanticized, but I consider their conditions as an indication of natural human progression – one of many brief pauses in a punctuated timeline - and I work within a team to facilitate it's movement."

Context: I'm writing a personal statement for medical school. This sentence is drawing from my experience as a certified nursing assistant in a hospital

So I don't know if the hypen is used correctly. I also don't know if the 'it's' between 'facilitate' and 'movement' refers to 'progression' like I intended or it refers 'their'.

I also would like help in revising this sentence. It seems a bit wordy, but that is how I type and I think I can pull it off with the tone I have now. I believe I can shorten it, but it is a pretty strong perspective I hold. I'm not sure if I can combine 'natural human progression and ' brief pauses in a punctuated timeline' together without losing its meaning. Or maybe it can, I'm not sure.

Thanks in advance!

 

[MikeNewYork]

Hello, I'm having difficulty with using the hyphen correctly in a sentence. The sentence I have written out is this:

"I admit it’s a bit romanticized, but I consider their conditions as an indication of natural human progression – one of many brief pauses in a punctuated timeline - and I work within a team to facilitate it's movement."

Context: I'm writing a personal statement for medical school. This sentence is drawing from my experience as a certified nursing assistant in a hospital

So I don't know if the hypen is used correctly. I also don't know if the 'it's' between 'facilitate' and 'movement' refers to 'progression' like I intended or it refers 'their'.

I also would like help in revising this sentence. It seems a bit wordy, but that is how I type and I think I can pull it off with the tone I have now. I believe I can shorten it, but it is a pretty strong perspective I hold. I'm not sure if I can combine 'natural human progression and ' brief pauses in a punctuated timeline' together without losing its meaning. Or maybe it can, I'm not sure.

Thanks in advance!

The horizontal slashes in your sentence are not hyphens, they are dashes. They are used to set off a phrase from the rest of the sentence. The "it's" between facilitate and movement is incorrect. You have used a contraction meaning "it is" (as with your 3rd word in the sentence), but it should be the possessive "its". I cannot revise the sentence because I am not sure what you are trying to say.

 

[emsr2d2]

Welcome to the forum.

You're not trying to use a hyphen. You're trying to use a dash.

Nevertheless, in your example sentence, the dashes are used correctly. You could also have put "one of many brief pauses in a punctuated timeline" in brackets.

 

[DaSi14]

I see, thanks for the reply. I completely forgot about dashes. I also realized just twenty seconds ago that I meant to write 'its' rather than "it's".

With the revision part, does the sentence come across as vague/pretentious? It's in regards to tending to patients with the more mundane conditions such as chest pain, kidney stones, etc. that aren't all that exciting. I find beauty in this because it's just another way of affirming the progression of human lives. We all experience moments where we get sick and life seems to come to a halt during that time, hence the" one of many brief pauses in a punctuated timeline "

where the 'brief pauses' are episodes of sickness and the 'timeline' is the course of life being punctuated by many episodes of sickness.

I hope this make sense. I'm trying not to make it sound lofty, but it's difficult to work with a character limit. I honestly do feel this way, but I think I'm conveying it in a pretentious manner.

(By the way, the italics option is unusually hard to work with)

 

[MikeNewYork]

I see, thanks for the reply. I completely forgot about dashes. I also realized just twenty seconds ago that I meant to write 'its' rather than "it's".

With the revision part, does the sentence come across as vague/pretentious? It's in regards to tending to patients with the more mundane conditions such as chest pain, kidney stones, etc. that aren't all that exciting. I find beauty in this because it's just another way of affirming the progression of human lives. We all experience moments where we get sick and life seems to come to a halt during that time, hence the" one of many brief pauses in a punctuated timeline "

where the 'brief pauses' are episodes of sickness and the 'timeline' is the course of life being punctuated by many episodes of sickness.

I hope this make sense. I'm trying not to make it sound lofty, but it's difficult to work with a character limit. I honestly do feel this way, but I think I'm conveying it in a pretentious manner.

(By the way, the italics option is unusually hard to work with)

I doubt very much that patients with chest pain or kidneys stones find the conditions mundane or beautiful. That sounds very dismissive. A career in medicine is not a philosophical journey. I suggest you stop trying to be poetic and focus on why you want to be a doctor.

 

[Raymott]

With the revision part, does the sentence come across as vague/pretentious? It's in regards to tending to patients with the more mundane conditions such as chest pain, kidney stones, etc. that aren't all that exciting. I find beauty in this because it's just another way of affirming the progression of human lives. We all experience moments where we get sick and life seems to come to a halt during that time, hence the" one of many brief pauses in a punctuated timeline "

As a former doctor, I think that writing this way would be a mistake if you really want to be accepted. It's not part of the medical model to embrace your illness and pain as a positive part of your life journey; and it's not a doctor's role to appreciate the beauty of chest pain. Your role will be to diagnose and treat it. You will be fighting nature every day, not facilitating it; and your patients and colleagues won't thank you for sitting back and admiring what a fantastic personal growth opportunity Mrs. Smith's cancer is.
But, on second thoughts, if you really feel this way, maybe you should tell them.