[Grammar] Cover Letter Sentence Grammar doubts

[Mattello]

Hey Guys,

I have completed my cover letter for a company I am very interested in, however there is this one sentence that is giving me doubts. I would appreciate any help. Thanks

"Two years before graduating from the University of British Columbia in Computer Engineering, I started working concurrently for RMV Motion as a software developer."

 

[bhaisahab]

Hey Guys,

I have completed my cover letter for a company I am very interested in, however there is this one sentence that is giving me doubts. I would appreciate any help. Thanks

"Two years before graduating in Computer Engineering from the University of British Columbia, I started working for RMV Motion as a software developer."

Bhai.

 

[Mattello]

For some reason the a word was left out of my copy and paste...

"Two years before graduating from the University of British Columbia in Computer Engineering, I started working concurrently for RMV Motion as a software developer".

I do not know if the adverb concurrently is being used correctly. Would appreciate feedback

 

[MikeNewYork]

For some reason the a word was left out of my copy and paste...

"Two years before graduating from the University of British Columbia in Computer Engineering, I started working concurrently for RMV Motion as a software developer".

I do not know if the adverb concurrently is being used correctly. Would appreciate feedback

I believe that removal was Bhai's correction. I think the deletion changed your intended meaning. I have no problem with that adverb. It means that your work with RMV was at the same time you were in school.

 

[Mattello]

Oh ok, the purpose of that sentence is to let them know that I was studying and working at the same time, Thanks for the reply.

 

[bhaisahab]

I believe that removal was Bhai's correction. I think the deletion changed your intended meaning. I have no problem with that adverb. It means that your work with RMV was at the same time you were in school.

I think the "Two years before graduating..." says that, making "concurrently" unnecessary. With it, it is over wordy IMO.

 

[Mattello]

Thank you for both your inputs, as it is a cover letter and the hiring manager will probably just give it a very quick glance before deciding to send it to the technical lead, I will keep the adverb at the risk of repetition, thank you both for your inputs I feel much more comfortable about my letter.

 

[MikeNewYork]

I think the "Two years before graduating..." says that, making "concurrently" unneccessary. With it, it is over wordy IMO.

But without it, it is possible that he quit school for a period of time to go to work. I think he wants them to know that he worked while he went to school.

 

[MikeNewYork]

Thank you for both your inputs, as it is a cover letter and the hiring manager will probably just give it a very quick glance before deciding to send it to the technical lead, I will keep the adverb at the risk of repetition, thank you both for your inputs I feel much more comfortable about my letter.

One never knows what will impress the reader. Good luck!