Results 1 to 3 of 3
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Quechua
      • Home Country:
      • Qatar
      • Current Location:
      • Argentina

    • Join Date: Sep 2010
    • Posts: 172
    • Post Thanks / Like

    BBC 500 Words Gold Winner - Aged 7


    I am looking for some good quality writing examples for my child, I was wondering whether the following writing is good or not, any grammatically mistake and English usage mistake? Please let me know. By the way, could you please give me some links or book name for good writing examples? Thanks!

    Coming Home

    By Isobel Murray - Aged 7
    GOLD Winner
    9 Years Old & Under

    Print this story

    Download an MP3 of this story (read by the BBC Radio Drama Company)
    I feel odd. There's no other word for it. My life is changing again. My brother Oscar and I had only just settled into life as evacuees and now we're going home to a place I can hardly remember. I have heard about the war on Mrs Brisbane's radio. I know that many of the houses have been bombed and some whole streets have been destroyed. Will I even recognise my home? Thoughts are spinning round in my mind and I can hardly hear the train whistling. Oscar snuggles up to me and I know he is scared too, but probably in a different way. After all, he is only four. "Don't worry" I whisper, pulling him in close. "Everything's going to be alright". I don't know this for sure but it makes Oscar feel better. I don't want to show him how worried I am. The train is in a tunnel and I can't help shivering. I'm not shivering because it's dark; I'm shivering because I feel anxious.
    Once the train leaves the tunnel, I gaze out of the window as the countryside whizzes past. It looks like a blur of green and blue. Flowers of all kinds are growing in the beautiful meadows, but my thoughts turn to my Mummy back at home. My bag is bulging with all the letters she has written to me and Oscar, but I am worried. What if my Mummy has forgotten what I look like? I try to shake the thought from my mind but I can't. I try to picture my Mummy in my mind, but my memories have faded, and all I can see is Mrs Brisbane. I miss Mrs Brisbane. After all, she has been a mother to me for the last two years. In fact, I think Oscar actually thinks she is his real Mummy.
    As the train gets closer to London, the view from the window becomes dull and colourless, almost like a lost world. It reminds me of a toy city, which is old and cracked and nobody plays with any more. It looks dirty and poisonous, compared to the fresh countryside we have been used to.
    As the train puffs into the station and then skids to a halt, my heart is thumping wildly as though a lever is pulling it in and out. As Oscar and I step off the train, my eyes dart from one end of the platform to the other. When I spot my Mummy's face in the crowd, I grab Oscar's hand and run faster than I have ever run in my life. When I reach my Mummy, I fall into her arms, and feel like I could stay there for ever and ever. I don't feel odd any more.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Jul 2013
    • Posts: 12
    • Post Thanks / Like

    Re: BBC 500 Words Gold Winner - Aged 7

    That's an interesting short story you've posted, from BBC - Radio 2 - 500 WORDS Competition - 2012 - Winning Story - Coming Home by Isobel Murray

    I'm curious why you're interested in 'good quality' writing for your child. Are you trying to help your child become a better writer? If that's what you're doing, I'd recommend getting access to books and stories that your child will think are very interesting. Some people believe that helping children read for pleasure when they are young will help them to be better at a wide variety of things as they grow up, including being better writers.

    What is your goal, or your real purpose for asking for help to find writing samples? Maybe if you can share what you hope to achieve, more people will have an idea to share with you.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • Chile

    • Join Date: May 2013
    • Posts: 193
    • Post Thanks / Like

    Re: BBC 500 Words Gold Winner - Aged 7

    It looks good to me.

Similar Threads

  1. Why do we use schwa for words like Winner instead of...
    By LordJenkins in forum Pronunciation and Phonetics
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 02-May-2011, 11:02
  2. Can someone please read and edit my short story? Around 500 words
    By DouboC in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 11-Sep-2010, 21:30
    By Syntrope in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 20-Feb-2010, 18:26
  4. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 30-Aug-2009, 17:21
  5. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 11-Feb-2009, 17:55


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts