Student or Learner
So, recently I just made a biography of my character in a roleplaying game. The biography is needed to apply for a faction within the game. Unfortunately, I got denied because of "grammar mistakes" and poor English, can anyone help me fix my biography, please?
Here's the biography :
I was born in Las Venturas, San Andreas, to a moderate family with more than enough income. My father, Elie Leeds was a manager in a local casino, while my mother, Elizabeth Leeds was a housewife. My younger brothers are Dean Leeds and Samuel Leeds, while my older sister is Jenny Leeds. We all live in a decent condition, in an average house in Prickle Pine. I could have a wide variety of things due to my family's decent wealth, but my family, including me, tend to save our money and use it just to buy important things.
I entered my school at the age of 6. My first school was Jehovah primary school. I met with wide variety of people there. A friend told me about Christianity, and I became a religious person, I think more than my family members does. I love spending my spare times to help poor people, and pray in a local church, and these things became a habit. I finished my elementary school with more than average score, and registered at Saint's Hope Christian High school, a religious high school in central Las Venturas. Ironically, despite the school reputation as one of the most religious school in the city, it's located in a place with many casinos and other immoral places surrounding it. I could evade myself from immoral lifestyle many people have, and became one of the most religious person in my school. I passed out with impressing scores, and as a gift my parents bought me a motorbike which I still use up to this time. I registered at SANU university in Los Santos and got accepted, something that makes my parents proud as the university was regarded as the finest in the state. I took accountancy institute and graduated 4 years later with good scores. I then took a job as an accountant in a shipment company in SF before I was forced to move to LS in 2011. I bought a small apartment in Idlewood using the money my company provided.
The shipment company I worked at faced a bankruptcy on March 2013, and I was later forced to write article in various magazines to earn money, and took a job as a salesman with little lower than average income of most people in LS per month. I started looking for job, and in July, my interest to work in the SAMG increased as I met with several news reporters on their duty.