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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
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      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Australia

    • Join Date: Jul 2013
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    #1

    How to improve this sentence? "Replaced over 30% of equivalent workload of supervisor

    Hi everyone, I was previously an intern with a securities firm, and is now trying to add this experience into my CV.

    During my internship I did 30% of my supervisor's work and so reduced 30% of her workload.

    I wrote in my CV, "Replaced over 30% of equivalent workload of supervisor daily in brokerage activities",

    but I just feel that it doesn't sound right. How should I change it? (grammatically and in terms of style)

    Thanks!!

    Jacky

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
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      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Mar 2009
    • Posts: 3,505
    #2

    Re: How to improve this sentence? "Replaced over 30% of equivalent workload of superv

    Quote Originally Posted by ss11311086 View Post
    Hi everyone, I was previously an intern with a securities firm, and is now trying to add this experience into my CV.

    During my internship I did 30% of my supervisor's work and so reduced 30% of her workload.

    I wrote in my CV, "Replaced over 30% of equivalent workload of supervisor daily in brokerage activities",

    but I just feel that it doesn't sound right. How should I change it? (grammatically and in terms of style)

    Thanks!!

    Jacky
    One possibility, "With supervisor’s direction, performed on a daily basis a substantial portion of duties typically required of a supervisor."

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Indonesian
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      • Indonesia
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      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Jun 2012
    • Posts: 21
    #3

    Re: How to improve this sentence? "Replaced over 30% of equivalent workload of superv

    That's not a sentence.
    Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.

  1. SlickVic9000's Avatar
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      • United States
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      • United States

    • Join Date: Oct 2011
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    #4

    Re: How to improve this sentence? "Replaced over 30% of equivalent workload of superv

    Most sentences in a resume aren't complete. It reduces the need to write "I" incessantly. This is pretty standard practice for English language CVs, as far as I know.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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      • UK
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    #5

    Re: How to improve this sentence? "Replaced over 30% of equivalent workload of superv

    Quote Originally Posted by SlickVic9000 View Post
    Most sentences in a resume aren't complete. It reduces the need to write "I" incessantly. This is pretty standard practice for English language CVs, as far as I know.
    Yes, that's the same in BrE too.

    Responsibilities:

    - Keeping full record of staff hours.
    - Organising payroll paperwork.
    - Delegating work as necessary to lower grade staff.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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