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    #1

    wordy or not?

    Hi,

    Please take a look at the following sentences:

    "CAAC has decided to start the business of advance booking and ticketing".
    "CAAC now accepts advance booking and ticketing."

    I am aware that they are both grammatically acceptable.
    Some people claim the first sentence is wordy (and unacceptable).
    To me, the first one seems to be a more formal counterpart of the second(Do you agree?).

    I know my question isn't so black-and-white so I just want to hear your opinions. How many people agree with me?

    Thank you!

  1. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: wordy or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by LeTyan View Post
    Hi,

    Please take a look at the following sentences:

    "CAAC has decided to start the business of advance booking and ticketing".
    "CAAC now accepts advance booking and ticketing."

    I am aware that they are both grammatically acceptable.
    Some people claim the first sentence is wordy (and unacceptable).
    To me, the first one seems to be a more formal counterpart of the second(Do you agree?).

    I know my question isn't so black-and-white so I just want to hear your opinions. How many people agree with me?

    Thank you!
    I prefer the second. The first is wordy.

  2. Raymott's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: wordy or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by LeTyan View Post
    Hi,

    Please take a look at the following sentences:

    "CAAC has decided to start the business of advance booking and ticketing".
    "CAAC now accepts advance booking and ticketing."
    No, "start the business of" is not more formal. It's just wrong. Accepting advance bookings isn't a separate business; you could call it a practice. (I'm not sure exactly what CAAC is, but 'business' is almost certainly wrong.)
    "CAAC has decided to accept advance bookings and ticketing" is OK if you want to stress the decision, rather than the practice. Note however, that only your second sentence states that they are now doing this.

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    #4

    Re: wordy or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    No, "start the business of" is not more formal. It's just wrong. Accepting advance bookings isn't a separate business; you could call it a practice. (I'm not sure exactly what CAAC is, but 'business' is almost certainly wrong.)
    "CAAC has decided to accept advance bookings and ticketing" is OK if you want to stress the decision, rather than the practice. Note however, that only your second sentence states that they are now doing this.
    So are you saying it would be Ok to say "start the practice(rather than business) of advance booking"?

  3. Raymott's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: wordy or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by LeTyan View Post
    So are you saying it would be Ok to say "start the practice(rather than business) of advance booking"?
    Yes, that would be better, but unnecessary.
    "CAAC has decided to accept advance bookings and ticketing from next month." is another solution.

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    #6

    Re: wordy or not?

    So what do you think of this? Is "Access to" redundant in here?

    "Access to clean drinking water has been a scarce commodity to most people in Kisumu"

    Is "Clean drinking water has.............." better?

  4. Raymott's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: wordy or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by LeTyan View Post
    So what do you think of this? Is "Access to" redundant in here?

    "Access to clean drinking water has been a scarce commodity to most people in Kisumu"

    Is "Clean drinking water has.............." better?
    Only "Clean drinking water has.............." is correct. Access is not a commodity.

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