hello, everyone.
I study English to take ielts exam but there is no one evaluate my writing. Please read it and point out mistakes

Many people do not wear their traditional clothes any more.
However, some people believe they need to wear them. What do you think?

People have different views about wearing folk costumes in modern society. Although I am aware of the importance to put on them for turning down certain tradition, I believe that the change of fashion styles broken from convention is a very natural phenomenon.

To begin with, there are some persuasive arguments in favour of wearing traditional apparels although the modern fashion style has led social trends. From a cultural perspective, putting on these traditional heritages can pave the way for preventing cultural extinction of certain ethnics. This is because not only the fashion concept but also culture and even a lifestyle are very similar or uniformed around the world, moreover, they are being disappeared at this moment. For instance, In South Korea, now that people wear westernised clothes in the marriage instead of putting on traditional apparels, conventional wedding manners and methods are avoided or neglected.

However, there are strong arguments against this view. Fundamentally, the style of costumes and their trends are characteristic of the age. It means that people merely prefer wearing comfort clothes to perform and naturally follow the change of the society they belong to, furthermore, these would be changed in different ways and styles depending on the emerging social shift in the future. In addition, wearing traditional costumes is occasionally inefficient and impractical in modern life. In the case of Hanbok, the Korean conventional clothe, it needs complicated processes to wear because of several layered fabrics and it takes long time to put on. Kimono, the Japanese cloth is extremely hard to walk due to narrow width of skirt.

In conclusion, although wearing traditional apparels could be a first step to protect culture and traditions, it seems to me that avoiding to wear them is the natural change to live in the age and people cannot help wearing modern dresses.