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      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
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    #1

    Sentence Question

    Any erros in these two sentences:

    The president affirms that the U.S will take military action in response to Syria's deadly chemical bomb attack killing thousands of
    civilians, including children.

    or

    The president affirms that the U.S will take military action in response to Syria's deadly chemical bomb attack causing thousands dead, including children.

    Which sentence is better? Also, can I put "against" to replace "in response to", would "against" sounds better? What is one way or techniques that I can correct sentences on my own with having to ask someone because even sometimes after I have looked my sentences several times and made changes several times, and have someone look at it. There is still some mistakes here and there. Please Help.

  1. bhaisahab's Avatar
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      • British English
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      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Ireland

    • Join Date: Apr 2008
    • Posts: 25,627
    #2

    Re: Sentence Question

    Quote Originally Posted by needenglishhelp View Post
    Any erros in these two sentences:

    The president affirms that the U.S will take military action in response to Syria's deadly chemical bomb attack killing thousands of
    civilians, including children.

    or

    The president affirms that the U.S will take military action in response to Syria's deadly chemical bomb attack causing thousands dead, including children.

    Which sentence is better? Also, can I put "against" to replace "in response to", would "against" sounds better? What is one way or techniques that I can correct sentences on my own with having to ask someone because even sometimes after I have looked my sentences several times and made changes several times, and have someone look at it. There is still some mistakes here and there. Please Help.
    The first sentence is better. Not perfect, but better than the second. No, "against" would not be better than "in response to".

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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      • British English
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      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,907
    #3

    Re: Sentence Question

    Quote Originally Posted by needenglishhelp View Post
    Are there any errors in these two sentences?

    The president affirms that the U.S will take military action in response to Syria's deadly chemical bomb attack killing thousands of civilians, including children.

    or

    The president affirms that the U.S will take military action in response to Syria's deadly chemical bomb attack causing thousands dead, including children.

    Which sentence is better? Also, can I put "against" to replace "in response to". Would "against" sounds sound better? What is one way or techniques that How can I can correct sentences on my own without having to ask someone. because even Sometimes, even after I have looked my sentences several times and made several changes several times, and have when someone looks at it, there is are still some mistakes here and there. Please help.
    There is an ambiguity in both sentences. Is the military action a response to "the deadly chemical bomb attack killing thousands of civilians, including children"? Or will there be "military action which will kill thousands of civilians, including children" - the military action being in response to the deadly chemical bomb attack?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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