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  1. #1

    Please check this extract from my blog !!!

    I m writing blog as a way to master English writing skill. Please check if there's any expression which sounds odd and grammatical errors. Sorry for its length.

    Thanks in advance.

    An awful tale...

    Once upon a time...

    In a far-flung country...lied a small kingdom...THE BLIND 1 was how people called its name...This kingdom had no king... Instead, it was under the reign of queen PERFECT whose dignity and talent made everyone hold her in great respect and high regard.

    There were several houses inside the kingdom. Among them was one of a man with an unusual name: THE ONE-EYED. He was fat, slow, dirty and thick-headed. He may appear sort of self-centered and egocentric, but, in fact, because he was not good at communicating, few would stop to talk with him. This made him even shy and had no self-confidence at all. Everyday, he interested himself with crazy dreams and nonsense thoughts. However, he had a sensitive and susceptible heart. He tended to get moved and bursted into tears quickly when he saw something heartrending.

    One day, the queen of the kingdom decided to hold a contest in which everyone must have performances. Out of them, the queen would pick out the best and grant special gifts. On hearingthis news, he did a lot of worrying. He thought of how he could perform well when his communication skills were extremely poor. Giving up and getting fined might be the best
    choice to him at that time....

    Out of the blue and out of nowhere, a girl showed up and told him that she would help him voluntarily. She got such a strange name: LEE PUL BAR. She was indeed of great help to him. She helped him practice his performances and gave invaluable advices to what should be done. Besides, she gave confidence and happiness back to him. Above all, she helped him in everything just to perform as well as possible. It was no surprise that he began to have a feeling for her. In his imagination, she was an angle that had lifted up his burden and sadness on his shoulder, replenished his empty soul with freshness and joyfulness, made his life purposeful and deserving. Mostly important, she made his heart undergo profound changes that he had never had before.

    However, all the good things must come to an end. His long-prepared performance didn't go as smoothly as expected.There were both subjective and objective reasons. He was in a severe mood. But, worse yet to come, he found out that the girl who helped him did love another man. He came from the higher social class and was in deep love with her for a long time. Even though he was studying in another country, but they still kept in very close touch with each other.

    The pain was unbearable to his heart. Everyday, her image seemed to pour out salt to the wound in his soul. He didn't want to face the bitter fact and just bury his head in the sand. He blamed himself for his stupidity and insanity, for his sensitive heart and his crazy imagination. In the end, he decided to treat her as a friend and comes back to his usual hut, lived a new life, waited for another miracle to happen again. He whispered to himself that, at least he have had a new friend and new life experiences.

  2. #2

    Re: Please check this extract from my blog !!!

    Please help me, teacher !!!

  3. Editor,
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Laos

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 60,656

    Re: Please check this extract from my blog !!!

    lied a small kingdom- lay a small kingdom- but it would be better to say 'there was a small kingdom'
    was how people called its name- was what people called it
    PERFECT whose- PERFECT, whose
    Among them- In one of them
    may appear- may have appeared
    made him even shy- made him shy
    and had no self-confidence- he had
    with crazy dreams- in
    bursted- burst
    must have performances- had to perform
    grant special gifts- award
    might be- might have been
    She got - She had
    advices - advice
    just to perform- to perform
    a feeling - feelings
    an angle- an angel
    Mostly important- Most importantly
    had never had- had never felt
    severe mood- bad mood
    was in deep love- has been deeply in love
    to his heart- delete
    pour out salt to - pour salt on
    just bury- just wanted to bury
    comes back- went back
    he have had- he had
    life experiences- experiences of life

    PS If you post and don't get an answer, you can use 'bump thread' to bring it back to the top of the list.

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