[Essay] Writing task 1

[Allabambie]

The chart provides data regarding to six sport activities young boys and girls from Great Britain attended in 1999.

In total, the boys and girls showed practically the same interest in doing outside lessons sports except football. Almost 70 boys were attracted by this kind of sport whereas less than 3 times girls chose it. The number of boys involved in cycling and tennis prevailed approximately by 7 participants and accounted for 58 and 25 person respectively.

On the other hand girls were more enthusiastic in swimming making up 54 rates while less than 50 boys preferred it. Walking and hiking occurred to be more popular amongst girls as well but only with a slight prevalence by 2 votes and stood at 24 and 28 participants respectively.

Overall, the figures show that almost all kinds of sport were equally popular among both male and female students with a slight difference, except football, which was significantly more attended by boys.

 

[emsr2d2]

Welcome to the forum.

1. Do you have a question for us?
2. When is your homework assignment due?

 

[Allabambie]

I am preparing for the ielts exam and going to take it on November, 9th, if it is possible I would like anyone to check the structure and grammar mistakes in my essay

 

[mglad]

Hi Allabambie,

Here is my quick feedback:

> data regarding to six sport
No need for the "to".
Just say: "data regarding six sport ..."

> attended in 1999
"Attended" is an unusual word to use with sport.
Try "played" or maybe "pursued".

> outside lessons sports
Do you mean "extracurricular sports"?

> less than 3 times girls chose it
Do you mean "less than a third of the girls chose it"?

> The number of boys involved in cycling and tennis prevailed approximately by 7 participants and accounted for 58 and 25 person respectively.
This is a very confusing line.
Did you mean to say "percent" instead of "person"?

Anyway, I hope you didn't mind my detailed comments.

Also, remember: the best way to write better is to read a lot, write a lot, and receive feedback.
I strongly suggest the New York Times and the Economist for reading.
For writing, I suggest Medium and DailyThem.es, both of which I really like.

Good luck!