How often should you use synonyms?

[chard1968]

Hi, I will take up IELTS very soon and I would like to ask you some questions.
I was told that rephrasing the topic for the introduction is a good thing to do. However, as I read my essay I do not see these words match up to their meaning. Example is my test essay below:

Some of the people think it would be a great idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent.
Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent.

Few of the masses consider that it would be a nice option to educate our kids on how to be a good father or mother. I strongly disagree with this opinion.

The basis for this view is young kids should be taught basic values prior to parenting. From my perspective these moral lessons must be focused on by their families. Their school could respond to this by teaching our sons and daughters some of the values such as responsibility. Responsibility can be taught on a young age by simply providing our children homework.

To add into that rather than teaching our offspring the duties of parenthood directly, they could be shared on a different approach. Learning itself can be considered a critical component to parentage. For instance, counting numbers can be difficult to understand as it requires patience to learn. With this on hand we can express that our education system are embedding values to their young students.

However, there are other people who argue that it would be a sound proposal to implement subjects that would demonstrate our youth on how to be nice guardians. Perhaps, their reasons could be that academies, since they are institutes of knowledge it would be nice to add a subject regarding family values. I see this view weak for the reason that these core values should be taught on home.
These principles such as empathy, responsibility as stated above are the abilities a father/mother should possess.

To sum it up, although some people might claim that child-care should be taught in these institutions, I maintain the stand that these should be experienced in our homes rather than in academies.

Questions:
What is the possible band of this essay?
Are words such as Academy, Institutions suitable for school?
Thanks a lot!

 

[mglad]

> I was told that rephrasing the topic for the introduction is a good thing to do.
That's interesting.
It's not a bad idea, but the way you've done it now is a little problematic.
It actually changes the meaning and seems almost mechanical.

I would probably say something like: "I strongly disagree with the opinion that it is a good idea for schools to tech young people how to be good parents."
I think you're right not to repeat the exact words of the prompt.
However, if you must change something, and if you are not sure whether the synonym will have the same meaning, just change the number.

To further analyze your use of synonyms:
1/ "Some" is slightly different from "few". You could use "A few" and that works a little better. Although not perfectly.
2/ "People" is very different from "masses". "Masses" is a very charged word, and implies a kind of societal division between the elites and the rest (i.e. elites and the masses).
3/ "Great" is different from "nice". I would go with "good".
4/ "Idea" isn't exactly the same as "option". "Option" can more easily replace "alternative".
5/ "Educate" is a wonderful replacement for "teach"
6/ "Kids" works well in place of "every young person"!
7/ "Father or mother" also works very well instead of "parent".

Anyway, I hope that helps.
I'm sorry if I gave too much feedback!!
I am of course always happy to give more if you want it.
Good luck.

 

[chard1968]

Thank you for your feedback.
I agree with you, I will try to make it simple next time.