[Essay] Essay correction

[kikisterb]

Focusing on the sweet spot of the ball, the boy starts his run. A loud, deep popping noise comes from the ball as the child strikes it with perfect form. Swoosh! The ball hits the net. A warm feeling of accomplishment overwhelms my body, as I realize that by helping this child perfect his shooting, I had given him the set skills he needs to become a professional soccer player. I had made a small. But significant difference in his life, just like teachers and coaches do on a daily basis. Every day, teachers facilitate knowledge, and skills; inspire responsible behavior, and create an environment where even the more terrified feels safe and protected. These activities teachers do on a daily basis, have inspired me to become one in the future, but in order for me to achieve my dream, I knew I needed to attend a school that would fit all my educational goals, and help me toughen my academic strengths and weaknesses.
Once my search for a career came to an end, I needed to pursue it. When I began researching for colleges a counselor of mine recommended that I look into the educational program at Illinois State University. After further research I realized that Illinois State University was right for me. Board members of the education program made it clear that they educate their students to assist them in becoming experts in teaching all levels of education. An aspect of the education program that caught my eye was the opportunity to apply for an internship as a student teacher for any level of schooling. I look at this option as an advantage because I enjoy working with children of young ages. I feel that this school will not only broaden my knowledge, but provide opportunities that I have interest in. Not only does Illinois State University offer many educational opportunities, it’s also not far from my hometown, Elgin. Attending a college that is not far from home would benefit me in my first year of college. I would be close enough to home, that if I had an emergency I would be able to take a weekend trip back. Even though, ISU is close to home, it is still be far enough where I would be able to maintain independence form my parents. In addition, Illinois State University is the right size for me. The college is a good median between a large public school, and a small private school. When I visited the campus over the summer, I was shocked to see how open and well maintained the campus was. It was great to see that Illinois State University not only cared for their students, but also their campus appearance.
Every student has a subject that they enjoy, and one that they dislike. However, just because a student dislikes a subject does not give him or her an excuse to do poorly in that class. If an individual wants to succeed, then he or she needs to try their best academically and not let a school subject discourage their goals. Personally, I have trouble with science and at times focusing on a certain assignment, which leads me to procrastinate. Even though I tend to procrastinate I still get my work done on time. In addition, going in early for science help is what some of my time consists of, but that is not to say that I always do poorly in my science class. Thanks to my science teacher and frequently asking questions I passed the class with a B average. Furthermore, I have been told that I am extremely organized and committed to my work.
During years at school, my academic performance wasn’t negatively affected by any circumstances in or out of school. My grades and achievements have reflected my hard work and positive attitude while being a student.
Therefore, I truly believe that attending Illinois State University will positively impact my future, because of my passion for making a difference in someone’s life though education. I have a strong desire to learn more about the subjects I enjoy, and further my education. It is always exciting to learn new things, and share them with my peers, even if it may be a little difficult to understand first time. Hopefully, I can soon become a proud, involved Illinois State Redbird!

 

[MikeNewYork]

Re: untitled

Focusing on the sweet spot of the ball, the boy starts his run. A loud, deep popping noise comes from the ball as the child strikes it with perfect form. Swoosh! The ball hits the net. A warm feeling of accomplishment overwhelms my body, as I realize that by helping this child perfect his shooting, I had given him the skill set he needs to become a professional soccer player. I had made a small but significant difference in his life, just like teachers and coaches do on a daily basis. Every day, teachers facilitate knowledge, and skills, inspire responsible behavior, and create an environment where even the most terrified feel safe and protected. These activities teachers do on a daily basis have inspired me to become one in the future, but in order for me to achieve my dream, I knew I needed to attend a school that would fit all my educational goals and help me toughen my academic strengths and overcome my weaknesses.
Once my search for a career came to an end, I needed to pursue it. When I began researching colleges, a counselor of mine recommended that I look into the educational program at Illinois State University. After further research, I realized that Illinois State University was right for me. Board members of the university made it clear that they educate their students to assist them in becoming experts in teaching all levels of education. An aspect of the education program that caught my eye was the opportunity to apply for an internship as a student teacher for any level of schooling. I look at this option as an advantage because I enjoy working with children of young ages. I feel that this school will not only broaden my knowledge, but also provide opportunities that I have interest in. Not only does Illinois State University offer many educational opportunities, it’s also not far from my hometown, Elgin. Attending a college that is not far from home would benefit me in my first year of college. I would be close enough to home that, if I had an emergency, I would be able to take a weekend trip back. Even though ISU is close to home, it is still be far enough that I would be able to maintain independence form my parents. In addition, Illinois State University is the right size for me. The college is a good median between a large public school and a small private school. When I visited the campus over the summer, I was shocked to see how open and well maintained the campus was. It was great to see that Illinois State University not only cared for their students, but also their campus appearance.
Every student has subjects that they enjoy, and those that they dislike. However, just because a student dislikes a subject does not give him or her an excuse to do poorly in that class. If an individual wants to succeed, then he or she needs to try their best academically and not let a school subject discourage their goals. Personally, I have trouble with science and at times focusing on a certain assignment, which leads me to procrastinate. Even though I tend to procrastinate I still get my work done on time. In addition, going in early for science help is what some of my time consists of, but that is not to say that I always do poorly in my science class. Thanks to my science teacher and frequently asking questions I passed the class with a B average. Furthermore, I have been told that I am extremely organized and committed to my work.
During the years at school, my academic performance wasn’t negatively affected by any circumstances in or out of school. My grades and achievements have reflected my hard work and positive attitude while being a student.
Therefore, I truly believe that attending Illinois State University will positively impact my future, because of my passion for making a difference in someone’s life though education. I have a strong desire to learn more about the subjects I enjoy and further my education. It is always exciting to learn new things and share them with my peers, even if they may be a little difficult to understand first time. Hopefully, I can soon become a proud, involved Illinois State Redbird!

Normally, I don't take the time to edit letters, but as a graduate of University of Illinois, I consider you a future colleague. Please note my corrections above.

 

[emsr2d2]

Re: untitled

When are you due to submit this essay for marking?