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    #1

    Can anyone check these sentences, need help!

    You know, breathing the fresh air can never be a problem in that place. And you will be amazed by its deep-blue sky and crystal clear water. On top of that, I can also smell the fragrance of flowers and grass, you just felt, you know; you were standing in a wonderland. I just lived there for a couple of days, but I can totally understand how people could enjoy their tranquil life and how they were embraced by such a sweet dream.

  1. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Can anyone check these sentences, need help!

    Quote Originally Posted by jocklaw View Post
    You know, breathing the fresh air can never be a problem in that place. And you will be amazed by its deep-blue sky and crystal clear water. On top of that, I can also smell the fragrance of flowers and grass, you just felt, you know; you were standing in a wonderland. I just lived there for a couple of days, but I can totally understand how people could enjoy their tranquil life and how they were embraced by such a sweet dream.
    Is this a question?

  2. Raymott's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Can anyone check these sentences, need help!

    Quote Originally Posted by jocklaw View Post
    You know, breathing the fresh air can never be a problem in that place. And you will be amazed by its deep-blue sky and crystal clear water. On top of that, I can also smell the fragrance of flowers and grass, you just felt, you know; you were standing in a wonderland. I just lived there for a couple of days, but I can totally understand how people could enjoy their tranquil life and how they were embraced by such a sweet dream.
    "You know" is sometimes inserted into speech when thinking of what to say next. It doesn't belong here.
    You seem to be changing the viewpoint too often from 'you' to 'I'.

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    #4

    Re: Can anyone check these sentences, need help!

    very impressive, this is a paragraph for spoken language. Thank you so much, are there any suggestions?

  3. Raymott's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Can anyone check these sentences, need help!

    Quote Originally Posted by jocklaw View Post
    very impressive, this is a paragraph for spoken language. Thank you so much, are there any suggestions?
    OK, but "you know" is not written into a speech. It's rarely meant to be there.

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