Student or Learner
I made the changes, further help please?
I can clearly remember how I met my beautiful bride-to-be. It all started when I saw her at a wedding at Funtin Church. She stood out among the bridesmaids and she caught my attention. I told myself “Wow, she looks beautiful”. That day I left on time and didn’t have the chance to talk to her. A year later I saw her on face book and I decided to send her a message to see how she was doing, and also that I remembered seeing her at a friend’s wedding. I waited for some days before she finally replied to my Facebook message.For some reason I thought she purposely delayed replying to my Facebook message. We sent each other messages via Facebook, which later led to us talking on the phone. Our first conversation lasted about 3 hours but I had to let her go because she was studying for her exams. My first date with Joy was at Junta seafood restaurant. We both tried alligator at the restaurant and it was yummy. We talked almost every day for several weeks. My mind told me she was the one and in August of 2010 I took her to Southtale. We sat at the water fountain and after talking for a while I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend. Guess what? She said YES! Since then we have been so much in love with each other.
After 3 years and a couple of months of dating, Joy and I went bowling with John and Jane. During the bowling game Jane suggested for us to grab ice cream from Coldstone [?], hahaha. I quickly suggested we go to Southtale to grab some ice cream. At first I was going to propose to her at the bowling arena, but I decided to do it where I first asked her out. I was little bit upset that she was going to know I
gothad the ring with me, lol. She kept on trying to reach for my pocket because she gave me her phone to hold during the bowling game, but I guess i was sneaky :). We got to Southtale and then grabbed our ice cream from cold stone [decided what this word is and use it consistently]. Afterwards we went to the fountain and chatted for a little. My mind was already made up to go ahead with my plan. We were about leavingto leave and then I said to myself " I am about to make one of the biggest and best decisions of my life". My instinct was right. As Joy, Jane and John were about to leave I pulled outthe box out of my pocket and got on one knee. I told her how much I love her and afterwards asked her " Will you marry me?" She nodded and said yes with tears of joy.
You need to know when a sentence ends and to put a period there. You can't join sentences with commas. If you're serious about writing English, this is something you should study.