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    #1

    Promotional piece: Grammar?

    Hi. If anyone could please take the time to look over my promotional piece below, and correct any grammar mistakes that I may have made. I've replaced names and locations with dummy-words.

    - Removed to prevent text showing in Google search -
    Last edited by MrPaddington; 01-Dec-2013 at 00:06.

  1. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Promotional piece: Grammar?

    Quote Originally Posted by MrPaddington View Post
    Hi. If anyone could please take the time to look over my promotional piece below, and correct any grammar mistakes that I may have made. I've replaced names and locations with dummy-words. I'm pretty certain using 'me and the team' is incorrect here. I'd rather use an alternative to the team and I, as I'd like to put myself at the foreground for promotional reasons.

    --
    Typically, for reasons of politeness, we tend to say "My team and I". If you wish to reverse the order, you can say "I, along with my team".
    Last edited by MikeNewYork; 01-Dec-2013 at 03:56. Reason: removed text, as requested by the OP

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    #3

    Re: Promotional piece: Grammar?

    Quote Originally Posted by MikeNewYork View Post
    Typically, for reasons of politeness, we tend to say "My team and I". If you wish to reverse the order, you can say "I, along with my team".
    Thanks Mike. And how is my use of colons, semi-colons, and commas?

  2. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Promotional piece: Grammar?

    Quote Originally Posted by MrPaddington View Post
    Hi. If anyone could please take the time to look over my promotional piece below, and correct any grammar mistakes that I may have made. I've replaced names and locations with dummy-words. I'm pretty certain using 'me and the team' is incorrect here. I'd rather use an alternative to the team and I, as I'd like to put myself at the foreground for promotional reasons.
    I have several comments on punctuation. No colon is needed after "complex"; it needs nothing. No semicolon is needed after IP; add "is" between "and" and "set".

    I would use a comma after "Area B" instead of a semicolon.

    "Parks" don't expect anything. Your penultimate sentence should be "Construction has begun, and the park is expected to be completed by late 2015".
    Last edited by MikeNewYork; 01-Dec-2013 at 03:56. Reason: removed text, as requested by the OP

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    #5

    Re: Promotional piece: Grammar?

    Thanks Mike. Is it totally wrong to add a colon or semi-colon after complex? I feel that it breaks the sentence up into two separate important details, rather than 'diluting' it into one.

    The bit 'and set amidst' refers to all of the zones (collection). Not sure whether 'are' could be used here. That's why I left it out. But leaving it out still reads as correct English?

    Also, if there's a comma after 'begun', should there not be one after 'project' too?
    Last edited by MrPaddington; 01-Dec-2013 at 00:05.

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    #6

    Re: Promotional piece: Grammar?

    It it totally wrong to use a colon or semi-colon there. I could argue for using a comma. I have no idea what an "IP" is in this description.

    Could you write the entire sentence the way you had envisioned it?
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #7

    Re: Promotional piece: Grammar?

    Hi Mike. Can I ask that you delete my quotes in your previous posts, to prevent the full text being searchable through Google.

    Hi Barb_D. Thanks for your time. I think what I have is sufficient now. Ps. IP stands for intellectual property.

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    #8

    Re: Promotional piece: Grammar?

    For future reference, it's good practice to simply avoid posting anything you don't want others to find.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #9

    Re: Promotional piece: Grammar?

    Quote Originally Posted by MrPaddington View Post
    Hi Mike. Can I ask that you delete my quotes in your previous posts, to prevent the full text being searchable through Google.

    Hi Barb_D. Thanks for your time. I think what I have is sufficient now. Ps. IP stands for intellectual property.
    I have deleted the text. Unfortunately, we now have a completely useless thread.

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    #10

    Re: Promotional piece: Grammar?

    Quote Originally Posted by MikeNewYork View Post
    I have deleted the text. Unfortunately, we now have a completely useless thread.
    We do, so I've closed it.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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