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    • Join Date: Mar 2006
    • Posts: 2
    #1

    Not sure if this sentence is correct???

    This is the beginning sentence of my essay:

    A less affluent neighborhood of the metropolitan marvel nicknamed “The Big Apple”, Harlem remains a section remembered for its renaissance, troubled by poverty and affected by strong civil rights movements.

    Thanks for the help

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    • Join Date: Feb 2005
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    #2

    Re: Not sure if this sentence is correct???

    Hello Rippa

    Maybe:

    As one of the less affluent neighborhoods in the metropolitan marvel nicknamed “The Big Apple”, Harlem remains an area remembered for its renaissance, troubled by poverty and affected by strong civil rights movements.

    However, "remembered for its renaissance" is obscure here: what does it refer to? Also, the choice of attributes (renaissance, poverty, civil rights movements) seems a little random – are you able to make them more cohesive?

    MrP

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