(Paragraph Writing : Narrative Paragraph) The Worst Day in My Life

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wasaloga

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::: I practice my writing skill by myself and this is my first task. Please help me check the grammar, spelling and revising my writing. :::

I'd be grateful if you help me

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When I was 15 years old, I had three very lovely kittens in my house; they were like my only friends. I always spent my free time to look after them attentively. Since they was born until they were 4 months, there was not a day that went by that I didn’t saw their faces or heard their voices, and I loved them so much. One day, I woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night. My heart was beating as though it was going to explode and my body was full of sweat. In that Saturday’s morning, I had to go to study Chinese language with an impartial emotion. While I was on the way, the nightmare popped up on my mind again, and then followed by thinking of my kittens. I cannot concentrate on the class because I was unreasonably concerned about my kittens. When I came back home, everyone in my house was standing at the door and my mom said “View, your little kittens had dead already. It is an accident, while they were playing at the car’s wheels, Miss.Kaew came to her car and drove the car. When the car was moving, the kittens didn’t run away from those wheels because they didn’t know why their toys moved like that and still stayed at the top of the wheels. At last, they were dead by those wheels.” After she had finished speaking, I was crying immediately. Although many years have passed, I still always think of them, my kittens. And here is my worst day of my life; it’s the day I lost my three dear friends.
 

PeterValk

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Correction part I
When I was 15 years old, I had three very lovely kittens in my house. They were like my only friends. I spent all of my free time looking after them attentively. Since they were born until they were 4 months old, not a day went by without seeing their faces or hearing their voices, and I loved them so much.


I'm not a teacher, nor a native English speaker. I'm just trying to help....Any other comments are welcome!
 

emsr2d2

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[STRIKE]:::[/STRIKE] I practise my writing skill by myself and this is my first task. Please help me check the grammar and spelling and please [STRIKE]revising[/STRIKE] revise my writing. [STRIKE]:::[/STRIKE] (I have no idea what you think ::: means.)

I'd be grateful if you would help me.

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When I was 15 years old, I had three very lovely kittens in my house; they were like my only friends. :tick:

I [STRIKE]always[/STRIKE] spent all [of] my free time [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] looking after them attentively.

[STRIKE]Since they was born[/STRIKE] From birth until [STRIKE]they were[/STRIKE] the age of 4 months, there was not a day that went by that I didn’t [STRIKE]saw[/STRIKE] see their faces or [STRIKE]heard[/STRIKE] hear their voices, and I loved them so much.

[STRIKE]One day[/STRIKE] Once, I woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night. (You can't say that it happened "one day" and "in the middle of the night" when referring to the same event.)

My heart was beating as though it was going to explode and [STRIKE]my body was full of[/STRIKE] I was drenched in sweat.

[STRIKE]In[/STRIKE] On that [STRIKE]Saturday’s[/STRIKE] Saturday morning, I had to go to study Chinese language [STRIKE]with an impartial emotion.[/STRIKE] feeling calm and unemotional.

[STRIKE]While I was[/STRIKE] On the way to my class, the nightmare popped [STRIKE]up on[/STRIKE] into my mind again, and then [STRIKE]followed by[/STRIKE] and then I started thinking of my kittens.

I [STRIKE]cannot[/STRIKE] could not concentrate on the class because I was [STRIKE]unreasonably[/STRIKE] so concerned about my kittens.

When I [STRIKE]came[/STRIKE] got back home, everyone in my house was standing at the door and my mom said “View, your little kittens [STRIKE]had dead already[/STRIKE] are dead. It [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] was an accident. While they were playing [STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] near the car’s wheels, Miss (no full stop here) Kaew [STRIKE]came[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] got into her car and [STRIKE]drove the car[/STRIKE] moved off. When the car [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] started moving, the kittens didn’t run away from [STRIKE]those[/STRIKE] the wheels because they didn’t [STRIKE]know[/STRIKE] understand why their toys [STRIKE]moved[/STRIKE] were moving [STRIKE]like that and still[/STRIKE] so they stayed [STRIKE]at the[/STRIKE] on top of the wheels and they were crushed to death."[STRIKE]At last, they were dead by those wheels.”[/STRIKE]

After she had finished speaking, I immediately [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] started crying. [STRIKE]immediately[/STRIKE] Although many years have passed, I still [STRIKE]always[/STRIKE] think of them, my kittens. [STRIKE]And[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]here[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] So that was [STRIKE]my[/STRIKE] the worst day of my life - [STRIKE]it’s[/STRIKE] the day I lost my three dear friends.

Please see my corrections above to your very sad story.
 

wasaloga

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Ohhhh! thank you very much for your kindness.
 
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