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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
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      • Native Language:
      • Serbo-Croatian
      • Home Country:
      • Serbia
      • Current Location:
      • Croatia

    • Join Date: Dec 2013
    • Posts: 1

    Lightbulb What do you thin I should improve?

    Hello there!
    I'm writing a motivation letter for Erasmus Mundus masters program in advanced social work. One year of experience in the field is required, so you'll notice I'm referring to it. It should be 350 words long, but it's a bit longer.
    Every feedback I'll highly appreciate 'cause this was really hard task for me.

    Motivation letter:

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I appreciate this opportunity to introduce myself and to apply for the program MA in Advanced Development in Social Work. With my educational background and working experience in the field of social protection of children and youth without parental care, I strongly believe that I am suitable candidate for the program.

    Working in the field developed my previously theoretically based skills such as counselling, professional methods in working with highly-traumatized children as well as children's adaptation to new environment(s). Still, witnessing certain cases, I realized that the system of social protection often lacks or responds to children's needs inadequate. That made me rethink existing measures and ossible ways of their improvement. What encourages me is ongoing process of reforming social protection in Serbia related to accession to European Union. Due to the reforming various educational programs intended for professionals in social sector have been developing. That is an opportunity for social workers to develop their proffesionals skills, be introduced to new methods and models of work in order to meet users' needs as best as possible, as well as raising awareness of their importance in policy-making process. I see my active role in developing this programs, sharing best practices and ideas for social policy improvement. My previous experience in project management and organizing educational events on both national and international level would be very useful in this process. What I still need related to my future involvement in policy-making is to explore other welfare models beyond my academic knowledge, criticly approach other systems of social protection and compare them in different contexts. Also, I need to broaden my views on social worker's role in society, reconsider my own values and challenge them, get to know what could be done in order to increase social inclusion, how is in other countries responded to social problems in practice, learn new approaches to social planning in order to meet the needs of vulnerable groups the best possible way.

    Being a social worker implies a holistic approach to the society. It implies having a perspective on current political situation, economic tendencies, the relations of common good and private property, power relations and stake-holders in the community. I was fortunate to be involved in civil sector for more than two years, both attend and organize various educational activities on topics related to sustainable development, human rights, gender equality, media, activism in general and people's role as political actors in society. Also, I attended many trainings on developing competences as a youth worker which helped me connect relevant social topics and methodology of raising awareness about them as well as communicating skills related to different social and national backgrounds of the people I was working with. This experience brought me, on one hand, relevant diverse theoretical background topic-wise and in another, a possibility to learn how to coordinate and work in team, how to organize events, menage projects, clarify aims and objectives and best possible methods in order to fight for just society. These are what I consider my valuable achievements and I think with this experience I could contribute to the ADVANCE program especially in discussions and creating nice and productive group atmosphere when working in team, where every member is been empowered to contribute in his or her own way and learn from it, benefiting from diversity of the group. My self-criticism as well as critical thinking could challenge the others to rethink their
    ideas and values in multicultural context and be creative and productive.

    Given my past history of commitment to constant improvement, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained from my internship. I will enrich the program by enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitious and open nature. Furthermore, my interdisciplinary orientation and holistic approach will add more diversity to your program.

    Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

    Sincerely yours,

  2. Grumpy's Avatar
    Senior Member
    Interested in Language
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      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
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      • UK

    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 972

    Re: What do you thin I should improve?

    I'm sorry that I don't have the time to go through your letter in detail. However, what I can advise you most strongly to do is reduce your word count to the required 350. At present, not counting the salutation and ending, your letter contains 677 words. An important part of any recruitment process is discovering which candidates adhere to the rules set out for applications. If the rules say that your letter should be 350 words long, then you must submit something that is within a few words of that number - not almost double the target figure! If you submit this without drastic trimming, it will probably be discarded without even having been read.
    I'm not a teacher of English, but I have spoken it for (almost) all of my life....

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