Student or Learner
Well few days ago I had a really good idea for a Novel and I've started writing some of it after a long time of planning. I know writing things like these are things you really need to think about and read through and make sure that it's not just generally stupid and I need some advice or help if possible. I was wondering if you check the grammar, spelling and punctuation etc. of this which I have started? Can you also give me your opinion on it? I'm writing kind off a Fictional and Heroic Novel, like the Hobbit, Harry Potter and I know that for it to work out it needs to make sense, have a good start, climax and ending. Do you think I have used too many metaphors or it's too cheesy? I know that it seems a bit like cheating but when I read it to myself I can't recognise if I have any mistakes (unless they are really bad). I'll be greatful if you could give me some advice and some real opinion on it thanks.
This is my start (i know it's only short but i'm going step by step)
(c) All rights reserved 2013 - Hanka Langerova (Just so no one decides to use this.... lol... it's nothing but you know)
The summer breeze changed in a matter of few seconds into darkness of chills in the village of Hither. King Thereon glared into the distance, his feet firm on the edge of the cliff, thousands of thought and memories rushing through his mind – it seemed as if those happy times were slowly slipping out of his fingertips, like a book with words slowly rubbed away in time. It had been over a decade of despair and sadness, a town of character and hope, now known as the Ghost Town. The happiness and joy that once protected the village was gone forever. Humans still there but now seen like souls floating on a small clouds of dust, sometimes barely described as living, on planet Essydion Earth. No stranger ever visited this mysterious place and if they did...well no one could excuse their consequences, their minds would be gloomed forever, like smoke of a love potion. Or more like a prison, where every moment of your life was wasted in a trance, whenever you tried to escape you would be smashed against the wall over and over again, closed in the dark cave with barely no air to breath. And when you woke up with bruises on your body on the floor shivering with cold, trying to work out where you were, you realised in a depression that you haven't even moved one step away from the puddle of melancholy.
Where is the cliff that King Theron is standing on? Is it in the village or looking over it? The location doesn't fit with the sentence before for me as you've brought me into a village and have immediately jumped to a cliff somewhere.
PS Your name does not sound very Vietnamese-could you please put the correct information in your profile.